Story of a Muslim sister who had a rough start in her married life … (All names have been deleted) – In response to the comments received by the readers, the sister has provided comments again in the comments section under the author “U T”.
When a girl enters marriage, the minimum expectations she has are that she would be able to establish a peaceful, and if possible, friendly relationship with her husband. If she has confidence about herself that she won’t pose any demands of wealth and riches on her husband, she further feels assured that he would be appreciative and there won’t be any scope for quarrels.
It was with such expectations that I entered married life. My husband soon realized that I wasn’t demanding and mentioned to my mother that Allah had given him better than he had expected. And I happily believed that my marital life had started on a proper note and hence will continue on the right track.
But sad to say this anticipation soon met with disappointment as expectations from my husband started rearing their ugly head. These expectations pertained to something that was not in my power to control or provide. I had become pregnant just a month after getting married and within 7 weeks of pregnancy my problems started. I had to consult a gynecologist who said that if I wanted to save the pregnancy, I’d have to take total bed rest. My husband preferred not to follow the doctor’s advice. His mother and elder brother chose to believe that I was being unnecessarily delicate and fussy. They were of the opinion that to survive in this world you need to be tough, and sadly, quite heartlessly they started trying to impart lessons in ‘toughness’ to me by ignoring my genuine need for rest and being totally insensitive to my feelings and pain – both physical and mental.
Well, things came to such a pass that I aborted a 16 weeks’ foetus, first getting scolded by the doctor for not following her instructions, and then faced by the bleak scenario of putting up with taunts about my delicacy which had already started coming from my mother-in-law. My husband was of no help either. Neither could he console me nor did he provide any assurance about the future. When I was in my parents’ house, taking rest, he did not visit me, but kept asking me to return, sometimes threatening, sometimes persuading with false hopes. His total lack of understanding and sympathy spelt out clearly over the phone, made me shed such tears as I hadn’t shed in my 24 years of life. I realized that this relationship could not continue, but was scared of taking the initiative in separation as a Hadith of our Prophet (S.A.W.S.) says that a woman who resorts to ‘Khula’ (divorce sought by the wife) without a valid reason, would not be able to even smell the fragrance of Paradise.
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My parents arranged for a meeting with an Islamic scholar, a Mufti, who explained to me that the clause ‘for no valid reason’ is important and this is to ensure that divorce is not taken lightly. He told me that my conscience should guide me, and eventually my honesty with myself is a matter between me and Allah. He also reminded me that Allah is Well Aware of each individual’s capacity of endurance. So, wanting to give my marriage a second chance, I went back to see if there were any changes (as my husband had been promising me). However, within four days I realized that nothing had changed, my husband actually telling me that he was doing me a favor out of pity for my “Kismet”. I told my mother that I was worried about the future (of a divorcee) and hence chose to continue the relationship which now had nothing for me. My mother asked me to visualize a life all alone and compare it with the present one and see which condition I would prefer. I immediately said, ‘Being alone’. She said if that were the case there was no point in continuing such a relationship. I finally opted out of it.
My first reaction was, “Thank God I’m following Islam which has a provision for a woman to end a relationship that holds only suffering for her.” There was no need to resort to any long drawn out court case.
I told my parents not to blame themselves for not having made enough enquiries about the boy, since one can’t know before hand how he is going to treat his wife. (Islam closes the door for “If I had done this or that…..” Everything that happens, happens according to Allah’s Will (concept of Qada wal-Qadr) which has to be accepted without complaints, but with dependence on Him and prayers and hopes for the future.)
I thanked Allah that I was still physically and mentally sound and had enough education to be independent and not a burden on my parents. (We should be grateful to Allah for whatever Blessings are still being enjoyed by us.)
Having gone through a miscarriage I wasn’t sure whether I’d be able to carry a pregnancy full term. So when my parents brought up the question of second marriage I said I didn’t mind marrying a widower and accepting his kids.
Having stayed in the first relationship for 6 months, I had guilty feelings about having caused hurt to a person’s feelings by breaking the bond. My mother advised me to pray for him, since we are all human beings liable to commit blunders. He had committed a blunder of not understanding a woman’s delicacy (of constitution) and feelings, but that didn’t mean that we should become vengeful and resort to anger or accusations. So I prayed for him as I was praying for myself and this gave me peace of mind. (In the Quran, where the provision of ‘Khula’- divorce initiated by the woman – is mentioned, the instruction given by Allah is that both should separate ‘gracefully’ and Allah Will provide for both.) My parents and I tried our best to follow Quranic instructions closely.
I am now happy to share with you that a few years ago I got married to my present husband who was still unmarried. It wasn’t as if he knew me or my nature. He was a total stranger to us. He was working abroad. When someone asked him why he chose to marry a divorcee while he himself had not yet been married, he said he was fulfilling a Sunnah of our Prophet (S.A.W.S.) since our Prophet also had married a divorcee. He kept asking my parents whether they had taken my consent.
It is 4 years now since we’ve been married and he has proved to be a genuine person. He follows Islam as it should be followed; treats me as a companion and friend; has never given me the feeling that he has done a favor to me. And when I again needed bed rest during pregnancy, I got it. He prayed for a daughter and Allah (S.W.T.) has blessed us with a daughter. Alhamdolillah I consider myself really blessed by Allah.
Click here to download the book: Making Muslim Marriages work
Lessons learned from a Muslim Divorce
(1) Don’t let obstacles deter you from your faith in Allah.
(2) Obstacles in life sometimes pave the way for a better life.
(3) No matter what your situation, Allah will find a way for you if you have Tawakkul in Him.
(4) If you get into an unpleasant situation with another Muslim, don’t become vengeful. On the other hand, by having a big heart and praying for the other person not only will help that person but will have angels praying for you (per a hadith) and improve your situation, as well as will earn you Allah’s pleasure.
(5) Even in the toughest of times, we should be grateful to Allah and recognize His Blessings on us.
May Allah ease all our affairs and provide us the right perspective and courage to face them!
If you have a personal story that you wish to submit to help other Muslims or non-Muslims learn from those lessons, please send for consideration to admin [at] Iqrasense.com
Putting total trust in Allah, we should not allow our experiences with people disappoint us or drown us in depression. Deep in our hearts we should have the assurance that nothing goes unnoticed by Allah – and He (S.W.T.) never lets us down when we sincerely turn to Him.
Let us strengthen our Faith in Allah and not allow it to be swayed or weakened by the negative experiences of life, rather regard them as a test of our patience and Faith in Allah. All expectations from Allah and least from people, gives tranquillity of mind!
A happy ending, mashAllah! It is important to also realise that sometimes we may not get the happy ending in this life, as we know we will be tested, some more than others; much more, but inshallah if we stick to our Salah and live by the sunnah then inshAllah our prayers and happy ending will come, maybe not in this life, but hopefully in the next Ameen
Aameen! This is what true Faith is all about.
Ameen Thumma ameen!
Salah and Patience is the key, Allah is with those who show patience. Please pray for me as I am going through the same situation where my wife has left me without a reason after 15 years of marriage and 2 teenage children. She wont even speak to me and wont let me see my children. I have tried through her family but to no avail. Now I am trying to see the children through the courts. I have given her one divorce at her insistence and her iddah period ends in about 10 days after which time I will look to move forward and hopefully find somebody more pious who understands deen and have Taqwa (fear of Allah).
May Allah SWT give you patience and give a pious woman who will be the comfort of your eyes and give you also a child dutiful to ALLAH SWT you and your wife. Ameen
It is true. Allah does not desert His own. He will always be on the side of the believers who rely on Him. I have been there before!
SubhanAllah..no words except all shukar to Allah Kareem..He is the best planner and fairest of All. All the best wishes for your future here and hereafter.
Allah is great n merciful. Yes He is the best planner. We can’t see him but we have to walk on his path which the prophet (s.a.w) showed us. Ameen for everyone’s prayer!
Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim.
Really touched by the events in sister’s life. SUBHANALLAH! I am amazed how Allah (swt) fortified her eeman & gave her patience to endure this. Finally Allah(swt) choose for her a good muslim & a compatible life partner. May Allah(swt) bestow on her & her husband a peaceful, happy & content married life. AAMEEN.
SubahanAllah!!! Even our holy prophet (PBUH) LOST some battles!! I have been in a VERY difficult situation lately.. but during the month of Ramadaan I had been READING and UNDERSTANDING and PRACTICING so much that Almighty Allah gave me strength to go through my problem!
Almighty Allah does not give us a burden greater than we have the strength to bear! TRUST IN HIM !!! I am still not completely healed, but with the help of stories and comments that I read here I KNOW HE is ALWAYS THERE FOR ME!!! Allah-o-Akbar!!. Please keep up this good work!
Wasalaam
Thank you so much all of you for sharing your stories.. Iam also very sad this week I have taken a divorce ad my parents helped me out, they supported me Alhamdulilah. After divorce my Husband was crying that I didn’t did good to you and now I was thinking about him again and again even though I already know that he was not good for me and he also not good with my parents, my parents have prayed for me too much and they always make dua that Allah do whatever is good for us.. and than the situation Allah has made that we take the decision of divorce.. iam trying not to think about him as I already know him he abused me many times.. now iam trying to focus the compromises, suffering and how much my parents has helped me,supported me.. I have to focus on how should I make my parents happy and now iam lacking my trust in Allah by thinking iam not good. Iam trying to obey Allah commands and to make my parents happy and to make a strong tawakul and relationship with Allah..
MashaAllah! An inspirational story teaching a good lesson about ‘Trust’ – Having total trust in Allah and praying to Him for ease of affairs. May Allah fill our hearts with faith & unending trust in Him. Amin
Felt very sad when I read the real story. Allah Kareem.
MashaAlla, I am amazed about the Sister and her parents faith in Allah (SWT) and the way they handled the test from Allah – the most high. I believe firmly that only because of her true faith and patience before Allah enabled her to achieve a happy life. My opinion is that for winning here and hereafter – the main thing we want is Patience and Love of Allah – the most merciful
Thanks to Allah for creating good peaple with sympethetic heart, my Allah bless them ameen.
Sister, U should thank Allah for the Iman he has given u in Him, may he strengthen your Iman. I think that was just a test from Allah. and U scored, that is why Allah has rewarded U with a better marriage that U are happy with . May U find more hapiness in ur new married life.
May Allah Subhaana huu wa ta’alah increase us in knowledge and also I thank U for sharing ur experience with us…
Mashaallah……
Dear sister I sincerely wish you and ur family be counted as Allah’s favourite servants……Ameen
The basic thing in all circumstances is being grateful for His infinite mercy. There are issues we feel is best for us, which we should pray is in line with His design for positive reward for us. While in other situations, we feel pained, but it is the best in the circumstance. Allah (SWT) knows best. We should avoid personal convinience at the expense of His guidance. May He accept the little we are able to do in His course Amin.
The steps you took was the right approach and put yourself on the right course to receive Allah’s grace. It is He who has promised to answer supplications as he says in the Qur’an: “Your Lord says: Pray Me and I will answer you” The acknowledgment of His Lordship is, then the key in answering your prayers.
Allah promises those who fear Him that He will provide for their needs and grant them a way out of their worldly difficulties. Allah says: “And whoever fears Allah, He will make for him a way out, and provide for him from whence he could never imagine.” [ Sûrah al-Talâq : 2-3]
This is Allah’s promise. We should draw strength from it when we are tried in life with difficulties that tempt us to resort to what Allah has forbidden. Hats Off to this Sister and May Allah guide her Ex Husband and his family.
Allah is the greatest . He Helps those who have faith in him. So we should keep faith with Allah great powers.
Almighty Allah has spoken and whosoever follows his teachings and that of his Prophet (S.A.W.S.) will never go astray. we should always have faith in God no matter the situation we find ourselves. this a good lesson and may the lady continue to have a peaceful home and Allah.
Sallamu alaikum sister mashaa allah Subba allah , nothing goes unoticed by Allah when you are sincere with him He Allah will always give you a way out and a peacefull life, we hold on that as muslims, Allah only knows what is happening inside of the chest and He is the knower of the unseen.
Walaikum salam
Masallah, that is why it is always good to put Almighty Allah in what ever we do. Im really happy for you, may he continue to guide and protect your marriage. i wish you happy married life.
I thank Allah for my sister. However, I’m also in a relationship now, of which the sister has been telling me that I don’t fit into the picture of the type of husband she wants to marry. She has called it off several times with me, only for us to come back again.
Her complaint has always been about my Islam. She feels I’m not doing enough, but I thought otherwise. To me, I think she’s just be naïve.
Anyway, I have asked her to make her decision known to me, and I’ve already prepared my mind for the worst.
One point I must make clear is that Allah has a reason for revealing the Quran to the Prophet (saw) in 24 years. If he had wished, he could have sent it down all at once (swt).
What I see to it is beyond Islam. Allahu halam.
I have however learnt a lesson from my sister’s story. If she comes up with the worse of conclusion, I wount quarel nor keep malice with her. I’ll pray for her and keep with a good relationship with her. I’ll accept it as a test of faith. And life goes on.
Thank you my sister for this story. I have learnt a lesson from you. God bless you.
Ma Salam
Very touching. Elevates ones sentiments. Thanks. May Allah Bless you.
Oh..firstly sad situation but while reading I felt really happy of your situation sister. I believe all these are Almighty Allah’s wish.
Alhamdulillah for you and for myself cos I have a similar experience and a happy outcome masha Allahu. We will all be tried regardless of how strong or fiddle our faith is, but the best among us are those that are patience and consistence in prayers. We should not relent in remembering Allah and continuously glorifying His name because it is only with Him that we can find true happiness.
Well done for having good faith in Allah and Allah has guide you on the right path we do not know who we marry I was married twice with Hindi then Sikh which was my religion before I became a Muslim anyway now I have a loving husband and he looks after me but I have a brother who has just got married 5 months ago now they are always argue mostly with who is right and who is wrong the brother try to hit is wife and I have stop it he swears at her which is not nice I have told him to be nice and sweet to her also I have told her the same but they both are bad temper it is getting to a stage that I think he will leave her but I have told him to pray to Allah and leave everything to Allah but her does not even pray nor does she now his wife is blaming me and my husband for that reason I do not want to get involved I have taken the step back and told the brother what ever you do think very hard and also the wife has told him chose me or your friends which I think is wrong. He is very stuck now he does not know what to do. Can any one give some ideas Thanks
A women came to Rasulullah (pbuh) telling him what a good man her husband is but continued saying that if she remain in her marriage, she fear that she will jeopardize her relationship with God. Rasulullah (pbuh) granted her the first divorce from a wife to a husband. This story inspired me to do what is truly right & seek God’s pleasure to obtain eternal happiness in Jannah instead of doing what is easy or do what makes me / others happy temporarily. When I needed help in my marriage, it was evident that only God could be trusted to make the right decision for me. He created me, hence He knew what’s best for me. Even if it was the most difficult decision I have to forgo, & not to mention the fear upon the unforeseeable future that lies ahead…I put 100% trust in God & went ahead with it. Alhamdulillah, God gave me guidance to do the right thing & I pray so He will continue guiding me until I find Jannah at the end of my journey. I am happy that the writer choose a path like mine even if our stories differs (I stayed in my marriage & found happiness). So brothers & sisters, please note that divorce is the last resort to a bad marriage. You must always seek help of guidance to the the right thing. I am sadden by the increase in number of divorces among Muslims. This clearly shows that Muslims are more concerned about their own happiness but not God’s happiness.
MASHALLAH YOUR STORY IS QUITE SIMILAR TO ME..I THINK I MUST STRENGHTEN MY FAITH IN ALLAH MORE TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE. AM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU SISTER PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. THANKS
Masha-Allah sister im really touched by your story im too suffering with this sort of pain and im unable to overcome with this problem coz a guy he promised to marry me and after five years he is refusing to do so coz of his mother disliking of my age and nationaltiy she accepted me at the initial start but later changed up her mind but he didnt stand for me instead tried out some ways for me to dump him but when i didnt he did it later when i went for umrah and i chose not to speak to him ,and we would communicate by emails and sms’s but he took advantage of it and send an email that he cant marry me ,my five years of patience didnt mean anything to him ,i do want to overcome him and get married but as I try to focus for the marriage his reflection overshadows any other man in my life .even when i close my eyes or try to ignore everything which i shared with him doesnt let me to forward with any other man and i feel embarrased to ever share this with my future husband amd im totally incapable to look into his eyes .I feel so guilty inside that there was man in my life before marriage.And there isnt anything new im gonna share with him it reminds me of my past relationship ,no i havent done any shameful act otherthan physical, i have shared everything else with him.
I thank all the readers for reading my story and giving such postive reactions in response.
I’d like to also share the fact that when I was going through a very difficult phase, I was totally shattered; couldn’t think of improving the situation and blamed myself for agreeing to the wedding in the first place. It was when i opted out of it, that i reflected and understood that whatever happened, happened according to Allah’s will and that i was meant to go through it.
My main aim in sharing this was to show how Allah chalks out a way for us when we accept a bad situation as an unavoidable part of our life ;place total trust in Him, follow His instructions in sorting out our problems and never lose hope.
I hope Allah grants respite to those who have mentioned similar problems.
Aameen.
Thank you so very much in sharing your situation. I too married a man, and soon found out all the promises of patience and tolerance were simply manuvers to get me to consent to marriage. Soon after the Nikkah,he changed into a heartless, intolerant brute. When I inquired of him where did he read that the Rasulallah (SAWS) treated his wives with such disdain, he became enraged. Soon, my movements were restricted, and there was talk of my being unfaithful to him. I came over 900 miles to a city where there were no friends to me, relatives, or aquaintainces. Soon, there was talk of violence toward “cheating unfaithfulwives.” I had only been in this marriage for 2 weeks. I prayed and asked Allah to help me feel safe and for an answer of what to do? One day, he allowed me out without his presence. I went straight to the airport and returned to my family. I was afraid he would lock me away in the basement or some other room. I became so afraid of him. I beat myself up often because he would call me and order me to return to him, and I refused because I fear him so intensely. I tried to explain to him why I left, and that I would return if he promised to not use this occurrence as a reference point to mistreat me again.
Finally I asked him for a divorce, and although he was reluctant, he finally consented. It has taken me a long time to understand Allah didn’t want me to suffer injury or even death a the hands of this man in order to prove I was a good Muslim wife. One year later, I am engaged to a wonderful Muslim man that has utmost respect for me as a Muslim, first and foremost and as a woman. He sees me as his potential partner in this life. This Deen is not just for “men” to do has they want and twist Hadith and Surah to justify their means.
your case may be simple. But, what would do you if you had children who were not independent? If there are brothers and sisters who can share such a story, please invite them to tell us on how to recover from bad marriage after bearing children.
You’re right. There was no other ‘dependent’ life that was going to be affected. In that sense my case was simpler than that of those who have the responsibility of not making life hard and unpleasant for children. Let me see. If I had a child I would have drawn my husband’s attention towards our joint resposibility, hoping he would contribute towards developing a good relationship for their sake. And I would keep praying to Allah to help us in fulfilling our duties. My situation was complicated by the interference of my mother-in-law and brother-in-law who were influencing him in his attitude towards me. Now, we’ve come to know that he is married, treating his second wife well and the mother and brother have stopped interfering!
Assalaamualaikum Sister,
May Allah(swt) bless you more and protect you from all the evils.
Please help me to deal with below situation..wherein I have a son from him and I feel he moved on leaving me stranding … I am trying but its so hard.. why me? was I so bad?
” Now, we’ve come to know that he is married, treating his second wife well and the mother and brother have stopped interfering!”
Allah Hafiz
Assalamalaikum,
True with children the decision to end a relationship becomes very difficult. The bond needs to be preserved if the kids too are going to be affected by any drastic step.
It finally depends on an honest assessment of how much you can give and how much you can take, and you should be patient in working out a relationship that will work. Absolute honesty with oneself is required. If the ego is allowed to assert itself then we lose all sense of honesty. You might have to use all your energies to understand your partner’s psychology in order to build the relationship. Sometimes we notice that relationships go bad because there’s no attempt on either side to make possible compromises and overlook those shortcomings which don’t really pose a great problem. You”ll have to see how big your problem is – a clash of egos or a total lack of understanding and cooperation from the other side in building and preserving the bond. Are some men totally immune to fear of Allah and accountability to Him?
Another point that troubles people is the aspect of ‘deserving’. When you start thinking that you certainly deserved a better life or a better companion, it interferes with your faith in Allah’s decisions. People find it difficult to understand that even if specific individuals seem to be responsible for your suffering, you were destined to go through that particular experience and Allah made that individual a means for causing it to happen for reasons He (SWT) Knows best. Try looking at your situation from this perspective.
Finally, the most important tool that Allah (SWT) has given us is namaz / salat Istikhara, before taking important decisions in life. May Allah help us all to arrive at the right decisions. Aameen
Masha-ALLAHU! This is truly a soul inspiring true life story.
I have certainly learnt a lesson in “TAWAKKUL”. May ALLAH AZZA WA JAL continue to strenghten our imaan. Amin.
Allah is the greatest . He Helps those who have faith in him. So we should keep faith with Allah great powers.Very touching. Elevates ones sentiments. Thanks. May Allah Bless you.
Masha Allah. We should always remember that Allah is always very great. He always answers prayers, the lesson here is that we should always belife and trust in him. May Allah continue to guide, bless, and protect us all.
Assalaamu ‘Alaikum
Baarakallaahu Fiq Sister In Islam
Your story rings true for many a Muslim sister, but in your case, we can Alhamdulillah, Thumma Alhamdulillah, that Allah swt has guided you and with the suport of your mubaarak parents, you were never alone and could weather the storm that you were going through with your ex-spouse. I make du’ah that Allah swt grant him hidaya and that he must acknowledge his faults, first to himself and then make Taubah, asking Allah’s forgiveness, because if he does not, then he will do the very same unto another Muslim sister. He seriously needs the help of a professional counsellor. May Allah protect, guide and forgive us all for our short comings, Amin.
Fatima Abduraouf
Cape Town
South Africa
Assalamu-Alaikum & Greetings to All;
Alhamdulillah allah guided u in the hardest tyms i am alos going through a phase in life regarding marriage there is a guy whom i like he follows islam and the sunnah of the prophet and he is a haifiz nd i am also in the process of becoming a hafiza nd he is going to get married nex year and i dont know wheter i should tell him i like him or let him marry the girl of his choice and feedback welcomed
its lucky to have mashallah parents who understand their children really well and not force them into something like i was forced into a marriage at a very young age later divorced but today by allah’s will and my parents efforts and prayers i am settled i do pray that no girl should go through the life i had but i would definately want to know where did i go wrong een now i control myself have patience but the effect is seen on my health because my husband doesn’t speak on my behalf nor does he want me to speak i am always blamed for everything no matter what the topic is i have no value in the house , why don’t people realise that a girl starts anew world only with the hope that her husband will be her support no matter what but if he only backs off its not easy to stay in such a atmosphere i write beacause i don’t reply back to anyone although i have been blamed for many things just for the sake pf my parents self respect and there is no return back . since allah has given me this birth he will some day also help like he always has inshallah please all those who go through this pray for some piece of mind for me.
Hi, I am not a Muslim but I am touched by this story and the auyhor’s faith in God. Human suffering is the same no matter what your faith or religion is. I wish you happiness and peace from deep down mu heart. I found your story when I was looking for some encouragement for my own situation. I have been through a lot, I have suffered but your story has given me hope. From human heart to another, I would like to say thank you for sharing your story, your life and faith ate n example to the rest of us. I hope you can all accommodate my words on a human level even if I am not of your faith. Love and peace always to all of you.
Asl ..My close friend is going through a similar difficult situation..her husband of 18 years and 17 year old daughter are claiming to be non muslims!..they were all born in to muslim families but were not at all practising [including my friend] my friend has now starting practising since two years but her husband is not keen and her daughter keeps telling her she is an atheist [the husbund tells her he is agnostic!! this is very shocking for me…she wants to leave her husband but knows that the teenage daughter will not want to know her if she separates from the father [who by the way is very emotionally abusive and does not value his wife at all]…any advise?
As salam o alaikum
I am flad to read the positive ending.. i am going through same phase with a 6 month old daughter.. i have applied for khula in court after two reconsiliation meetings through family members… but i cry alot every night that why is her father so rude why doesnt he change i pray that may Allah give him hidayah and he fulfils our rights.. i am so worried about my daughters future after divorce please remember me in prayers