islamic topics

Tips for your “Muslim Marriage” – Rights and responding to Challenges

Tips for your “Muslim Marriage”

Every marriage – no matter how stressful, boring, or happy it may be – can use certain tips to give it a boost. This post reviews two pieces of advice that you could implement today for a better married life. If you’re not married, you too can benefit from the concepts as they are applicable across the board.

The first reminder has to do with becoming cognizant once again about our rights toward our spouses as obligated on us by Allah and His prophet (peace be upon him.) What we married couples often forget is that our “Muslim marriage”, just like the rest of our life’s aspects, is governed by the laws of Islam. These divine laws were communicated, commanded, and taught to us by the prophet (peace be upon him) through the Quran and the traditions of Hadith.

So, the first reminder is nothing more than to become ever conscious that the moment you entered your marriage, you became obligated to respect your spouse’s rights as defined under those divine laws. Claiming ignorance about those rights or your lack of resolve in upholding those rights therefore is not a valid excuse.

The problem in this regard is usually two fold. First, many couples simply aren’t even aware and knowledgeable about the rights that both husbands and wives have over each other. It’s not uncommon for many to rush into marriages with all the fanfare but neglecting to learn Islamic teachings regarding marriage and the rights that husbands and wives have over each other. It’s only when they hit roadblocks in their marriages that they start seeking those answers. Problems surface because each spouse assumes certain rights over the other and each spouse’s personal interpretation of what’s right or wrong complicates relationships even further.

The second problem is that while many of us may take the time to understand how their partner is not meeting their individual rights, they often neglect to learn their obligations toward the other spouse. Driven selfishly, each spouse gets preoccupied with how their partner isn’t contributing to the relationship rather than realizing how one is deficient in fulfilling their own obligations.

In the daily routine of give and take therefore, if your relationship is hitting hurdles, both of you ought to invest the time and effort to learn about those rights and obligations. Use this reminder to make a permanent mental note to help you become conscious of how knowingly or unknowingly you transgress and violate your spouse’s rights. Remember, you will be questioned about them.

Allah says about our obligations in general:

“O you who believe! Fulfill (your) obligations” [Quran: al-Maa’idah 5:1]

“And fulfill (every) covenant. Verily, the covenant will be questioned about” [Quran: al-Isra’ 17:34]

“And whoever transgresses the limits ordained by Allah, then such are the Zalimoon (wrong-doers, etc.)” (Quran: Al-Baqarah; 2:229)

Now to the second reminder – Every relationship is bound to have disagreements, day to day challenges pertaining to a family life, or your spouse just having a “bad day.” These shouldn’t be mistaken for a bad relationship. Where relationships go sour are in how couples respond to such situations. When response to such situations involves disrespect for the other individual, cracks start appearing in relationships. This “disrespect” includes but isn’t limited to putting down the other individual, disregard for the others opinions, raising one’s voice disrespectfully, etc. This then leads to a communications breakdown where disagreements turn into full fledged disputes, small mistakes by one are perceived as crimes by the other, and just an ordinary “bad” day turns worse by spouses ending up in major fights – sometimes climaxing to points of no return.

We should recognize that Allah created us humans and has codified dignity and respect part of our being. Therefore, when we trample over someone leaving them feel disrespected, we are bound to invoke an equal or worse response from our spouses along with sowing in their hearts the seeds of animosity, hatred and mistrust. So, remember that of all the things that we may use at our disposal to relieve stress or resolve a situation, disrespecting the other shouldn’t be one of them.

Both Allah and the prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized the respect and honor that we are entitled to as Muslims and humans. Allah says in the Quran:

“And indeed We have honored the Children of Adam, and We have carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with At-Tayyibat (lawful good things), and have preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preferment.” (Quran: Al-Isra, Chapter #17, Verse #70)

During his last sermon, the prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

“Your BLOOD, your WEALTH and your HONOR are sacred among you, as sacred as this day of yours in this month of yours in this land of yours. Let those who are present convey it to those who are absent; perhaps he will convey it to one who has more understanding than he does.”(Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Abu Bakrah).

Abdullah bin Umro reported that he saw the Prophet Muhammad going around the Kaabah in Tawaf saying (to the Kaabah):

“How pure are you and how pure is your fragrance. How great is your majesty and your sanctity. By the One in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad (SAWS), the sanctity of a believer in front of Allah is more than your sanctity – His possessions and his life and we always think good of him.” (Reported by Hadith Ibn Majah)

So, remember that a happy marriage is one in which couples find ways to tackle and resolve challenges without being disrespectful to the other. You can have your tough talks as long as you don’t cross the lines in disrespecting each other. Remember that Islam’s teachings never sanctioned to denigrate human dignity even in times of war then how can we in supposed bonds of love step out of that realm?

Conclusion

To conclude, wives can strive to become what the prophet referred to in this hadith:

The Prophet (pbuh) said: “The entire world is full of resources, and among them the best resource is a RIGHTEOUS WIFE.” (Reported by: Abdullah ibn Amr (r) Source: Sahih Muslim, Vol. 2, #3465)

And for men, the prophet had this to say –

“The most complete believer is the best in character, and the best of you is the BEST TO HIS WOMENFOLK.” (Tirmidhi #1162 and verified)

Let’s learn our rights toward each other and let’s not be disrespectful to the other even when we are dealing with tough situations.

—– The IqraSense.com Blogger

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78 comments… add one
  • khadija

    jazakallah for the message it has reallly opened my mind inshaallah may Allah bless u all thank u for the knwolege

  • Seiny

    May ya Allah bless you. This Is gréât lessons. Every day we learn something New. Thé big thing to add Is PATIENCE Salam

  • Hafsat Yusuf

    May the Almighty Allah continue to guide us to the right path. This tips came at the right time. Jazakallahu Hairun

  • Anonymous

    Oh Allah,make me Muslims that will fulfil his obligations in marriage.

  • shamima khanom

    jazakallahukhair for the reminder
    hope and pray to Allah Subhhanahuwata’la to guide us and help us to be in that guidance until death reaches our throat, ameen.

  • saba aminah

    Great piece of work..an article about the rights wife over the husband and vice versa would b very helpfull

  • DE

    This is a great one!

    Inshallah both men & women refer to this in reality.

    May all Muslim brothers & sisters have a happy marriage life together with their husbands & wives.

    This really makes you think & is the right way & healthy way as Allah Subahana Watallah has said in the Quran.

  • Zakariya Bushra

    Al-amdulilah thanks alot for this message. Parents are encourage to use this fatwa as an upbringing coure for thier children

  • nazish shaikh

    good article

  • Aasia Perveen

    This is a good article for all of us,to give us best knowledge about our duties towards our partner.Like all others i will also make a pray that may Allah bless us all always.And continue to guide us to the right path.

  • Jazakallah for the article…. I want u to send more as I’m recently married n I want to learn many rights towards husband n want to b an perfect Islamic wife inshallah…….

    • Tauseef Ahamd malik

      then study and understand Quran to become so…..and finally follow it …..you do not need anything else……….W/A

  • Aisha

    Assalamualaikum
    Jazakallah
    a lot of ppl take their marraiges for granted..
    it is also said that a woman whose husband is angry with her and if she dies in taht state she’ll go jahannam
    and that a wife who’s husband is angry with her then teh whole night farishtey curse her..
    may allah give taufeeq to all of us to follow deen..inshallah..

    • cristina

      but what about if the women is angry with her husband if he did the wrong thing and he dies what happens to him? or what if the man is angry for no good reason and she dies ? is that fair to send her to hell?

      • humble

        cristina, you will find many people justifying what they do using the hadiths and try and keep women in line unable to express an opinion or even ask for their basic human rights but Islam works both ways. Allah (swt) knows when a man is being abusive even though the people around him hold him as an example of a how to become a perfect muslim. Allah knows when fear enters a womans heart when she hears a car door slamming and is afraid her husband has come home. Allah knows that no matter how wonderful a cook a woman is,her husband will say she is useless so as to rob her of her dignity and leave her belittled. He knows what is in the heart of the man who is angered by his wife performing her fardh obligations to Allah swt. He knows the wrong that men and women do so much better than any human being and he will be just. The best advice I can give you is that Islam is not supposed to be hard, it’s in every human being, be they muslim or non muslim. Every baby is born muslim but they forget they are because of what they learn along the way. It is still there just hidden and you have to find it. Don’t listen to people who think they know Allah’s will just cos they quoted a hadith. Human relationships are so much more complicated. You have an obligation to every human being, that is what being muslim is about. If something is wrong, you will know its wrong if you look deep down, and if its right you will know in your heart its right. Small children have an innate sense of fairness it’s only when adults tell one that they are entitled or not entitled to more than another person that they change. My two yr old daughter will pull out biscuits and give every single person regardless of who they are one biscuit each but my mother will pull out a packet and serve all the biscuits to the menfolk and tell the little girls you have to eat what is left over, sometimes there is nothing leftover so what then? Who was fairer the child or the adult? Fairness is in all of us but when people try to do Allah’s work for him, that is when problems arise. Allah swt sees all, knows all, and hears all so only he alone has any right to judge and say who will be thrown into hell.

        • The way you summarized your points, has made me have a big respect for thinking process. ( Taqwa fear of Allah) can be a mountain to explain to people, sometimes in life small things do matter. may Allah reward you.

        • Muslimah

          Humble ,I am so very blessed to find this web site,I was searching for some Islamic guidance for my marriage and came across your response. May Allah bless you in many more ways for your blessed response not just for me but for anyone that’ll come across it.

  • anasayesha

    jazakallah thank you for giving us such a beautifu lesson i really thank you for openinf my eyes inshallah i will start from today to follow to be a righteous wife please make dua for all inshallah

  • Um Ghalib

    Thanks for the article, it really made me see and understand more clearly. Sometimes we, women are a little nagging about not being fulfilled our rights, forgetting that we also have our parts to play.

    Inshallah will do our best to keep our marriage perfect.

  • Boysida

    Alhamdulillah, it is indeed an excellent reminder.

    This kind of though should always be the basic guidance to every belivers in Islam.

    Understanding, patience, respect & LOVE for the sake of ALLAH are the essence of his Almighty one.
    Bless us all insah Allah.

  • wow, thats really wonderful, i think men need to read this, in this way they will best able to undertand the rights of women and the position that Allah has given them. They should kanow that Nikah is a sacred relationship that we agree to abide with and that its a two way traffic. very often, busy in our daily life, we started taking the other partner for granted. InshaAllah, all muslims marriage may be protected from all evils.Ameen

  • fathimath

    Alhamdhu lillaah, thanks for the good article, its very informative article for the married couples, may Allah bless all of us.

  • salamat

    marriage can sometime be sweet or sour, when one is in sour time he/she should remember the sweet part of the marriage. trust,understanding, tolerance and patience are some basic ingredients a happy marriage is built on, though no one is perfect. May the Almighty continue to bless our homes.

  • firs of all thanks for this message. But how can I continue to live a man who calls himself a muslim and yet neglet his prayers. All he care s about is working hard and paying the bills,and only prays when he fells like it .i threaten to divrce him many times and he’s begged me me not but he still hasn’t change yet and he’s definitatly not making any effort. When ever complain angrilly he replies back by saying that he’s not praying for me and also we will not share the same grave. I have tried so many times, many ways, and even have my mother, his parents and some muslim scholers talk to him but still haven’t change. We got married when I was 21 &nd he was 27 &nd it’s been 19 years now and have four kids ages from 18 to 9yrs old but now I’m afraid of the punishment in my grave. Please help. What do I do now. He listens to many lectures like Ahmed Deedat, Khalid yaseen, Yusuf Hamza and even watched THE MESSAGE over and over but still no change when I ask him for a reason he replies as just being lazy. So in this case should I continue to live with or move with my life. Please send reply soon. May Allah Bless you .

    • Tonya

      My sister, I don’t think you should leave him, because if you believe in Allah then you should know to take it to him and know it will be handled. Don’t ask anyone to pray for him, and stop talking about it, just continue as a good wife and let him see your devoation to Allah and know Allah will take care of it. Allah is all knowing, all hearing, all seeing and most powerful!

      • humble

        Are your children being affected? Are they too mimicking their father? The five pillars of Islam are what make you muslim. The obligation to Allah swt is greater than any human obligation. Perhaps he is under stress or going through some mental turmoil? Why not suggest counselling or ask him if his is worried about something? Depression can make a person so very ill that they become unable to do anything. It seems to me that he is worried about bills and is so worn out working to pay them? Don’t nag him about praying because then he will not do it even if he intended to do pray.

  • faheema

    this is a real eye opener. May allah help us in our married lives alwaz

  • Mashaallah! Great artical indeed. It has really enlighted me, now that i’l be getting married soon. I jus pray to allah to give me patience on the kind of challenges i’l face but mostly to have such a peaceful and happy marriage. Shukran.

  • Yakuba CEESAY

    Alhamdulihahi Ta’ala, this is a wonderful and informative article on marriage. The Muslim couples should know that marriage is a worship of Allah Tabarah wa Ta’ala not only a pleasure as my people sees it. Of course, marriage is without problems things that can cement marriage is to love each other sincerely, patience and forgiveness.

  • Al-Hajj Abu Inayah

    Shookran ! Very good article and an excellent reminder to us all, wal hamdulillah ! May we observe the limits set by our Lord and always return to the path, ameen.

  • Raziul

    Salam,

    I wish I read this b4 I got married.

    May Allah bless everyone.

  • neelofer

    Alhamdhu lillaah, thanks for the good article

  • bilkees

    Bilkees,
    Thank you so much for this Article, and i hope and request we get more of these. it is very true that we should respect and be tolerant towards each other.may Allah (SWT) grant us the ability to follow our religion. I am sure with more of these Articles we will go a long way Inshaallah.

    • Anonymous

      i pray to allah that every muslim benefits from this article..

  • flora

    good article.thanks for the reminder.should be read by the husband also.

  • Naima Said

    MASHAALLAH JAZAKALLAH THIS IS GREAT

  • myra

    jazakallah, for this interesting quotation,

    To all muslim’s , If u want to be treated well, You first must treat your wives well, And women in Islam look after your husbands too !!!.

    ” what goes round comes round”

  • Noor

    Sharing is caring…thanks for sharing this 😀
    May Allah bless us with a great husband/wife

  • Bakkar-New muslim

    Alhamdullilah, one should remember that Allha reveals in his
    gracious quran that human beings primarily they should be good
    in their houses and family surroundings, We have to care about our Mother,Father, our wife and childrens. Instead human beings are rather contrary, only some of the muslims take good names with their mother and wife, most of them just they act as if they are good, but allah the exhalted and mercy knew every thing. So we should give more attention to our family and secondly to our neighbours and friends circle. This I experience from my family circle, before I never treated my wife nicely, now after reading the quran ,perhaps I treat my childrens and wife nicely, insha allah Allah give the thoufeek to all our muslim brothers and sisters.

  • maryam

    Really a nice article!!!!

  • Fathima Safra

    Assalamualaikum!

    Jazakallah for sharing this article,it includes important lessons that need to be remembered by both men and women in order to live their life peacefully!!!
    May Allah bless us always with good deeds!!!

  • Abdul Mujeeb

    Allah(swt) mentions in Surat Al-Baqarah (2:187) – They are your garments and ye are their garments. Garment is used to hide ones shame (haya), conceal physical disability (if any) and the most important aspect is to enhance the image of the wearer. So a spouse is a garment of the other thereby hiding any fault of the other & living together taking into strides all the ups and downs of life gleefully. Aalways thanking Allah (swt) for the bounties and seeking forgiveness from Allah(swt) for the fault of ones self or that of the spouse thereby preparing to receive blessing of Allah (swt).

  • Farida

    assalumu alykum
    thank you so much for the article. It has come right on time

    Mashallah
    Allahu Akbar

  • Fahad

    Assalamu alaikum

    The Prophet SWS said that ‘The world is the like a wealth and the best of the wealth for a man is the righteous women’

    Another Hadith from Ali Ibn Abi Talib said when asked what is marriage ???
    ‘Its a months happiness, what’s after that
    Its a lifetime anxiety,
    Its a responsibility of life time,
    At the end its time for the grave’

    Jazak Allah Khair

    May Allah help all of us to be good to our partners which Allah has blessed us with, and save us from the evil traps of saytan
    Ameen

    Assalamu alaikum

  • Bello Jimoh

    Assalumu alykum,
    Thank you so much for the article, may the Almighty Allah help us all to be good to our partners He has blessed us with, and save us from the evil traps of saytan the accursed.
    Ameen

  • latinwo morufu

    assalam alaekum,thnks very much for this piece of article,may the Almighty Allah increase the writer in knowledge to give out of what Allah has bestowed the person,we are looking for more of this article to solve the matrimonial problem in muslim homes throuout the world.

  • Ayesha

    Asalam Alaikum,
    this is a great piece of work!
    this wil defenitely benifit the one who actually need assistance in their married lives!
    Thank you for the beautiful article and I wish all muslims ( both men and women) read this and try to follow, so that they could lead a happy and have a successful married life!!!

  • Asa, Thank you for this article Iam married to a muslim man and i have converted to Islam as of last year. This article helps me because Iam still learning and I don’t know all of my rights in my marriage I will bring this article to my husbands attention for ma goal is unity, respect, and peace!!

  • Abdurahman

    Jaza khallah this is agreat thing u teach us Allah bless u

  • Misbah Malik

    Both Men and Women need such articles to make life worthy here and in Hereafter, Jazakallah keep posting such useful articles

  • juwairia

    Jazakallaahu khaira.. a very useful article..

  • Aisha

    Very nice article, it came at a day when i had just passed a very rough day and i applied this to the principles of frienships too, in a way friendships are mini marriages, and we also need to sustain eachother in true, real, honest friendships, actually i just opened up about someting after the night prayer to a friend, telling this person about my bad day, and then opened this mail 🙂 It was almost about the same issue, and i felt very strenghtened by this. Thank you for sharing this !

  • a3isha

    this is true sister aisha I agre with u and barakAllah fihum

  • Yusuf Cocoga

    Barakallahu fiikum, may Allah guide all of us to His right path and after sending us such knowledge, may He bless us with understanding of it, i personally would propose that such nice and educative topics should also be discussed at Friday Surmons Insha’Allah.

  • osman

    Assalamou alaikum wa rahmat ullahi
    How nice to have mind opening and highly educative tips often forgotten in the jungle of
    preoccupation. The clue words: respect, understanding, human realtion, islamic principle,commitment to covenant–masha Allah !
    Jazaa kumullah

  • hussain

    Salaam’u aleykum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

    JazakAllah khayir for this article, may Allah swt reward you..Amin

    Brothers&Sisters please make dua for me, that I will get married soon..

    May Allah swt grant every muslim Jannah.. amin

  • Tonya

    This is very important information, I wished I had this infor some years ago.

  • Hadiza

    MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU INSHAALLAH.KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

  • Mashallah superb nd thought provoking article keep it up

  • I applaud this woman for leaving her husband and getting a divorce. Many women do not leave an abusive mental and physical relationship because of kids. Culture, and reputation. They subject their body and soul to misery, sickness, and stress. May Allah protect us from this.

    I know someone who is suffering in a bad relationship. She gets beaten by her huband to the point of needing to go to hospital. Just 2-3 weeks ago she had to go to hospital for a concussion and internal bleeding. She has been beaten 4 times so far and twice she had to go to hospital :-(. Her friends are telling her to leave the relationship immediately but her family are insisting that she stay due to culture (taboo for women to get a divorce because noone will marry them afterwards) and hope that he changes. My philosophy is if a man hits u once he will hit you twice…I feel really bad for her. May Allah help her.

    Alhamdulliah for Islam. Islam gave women the right to initiate divorce and protect herself from an abusive relationship. Many women don’t leave their husbands because of an attachment to this world. They fear the loss of wealth, status, fear of being looked down upon, fear of being alone, fear of losing the “safety” of being in a relationship, etc. We need to detach from this world and solely rely on Allah. Oh Allah please protect us.

    • humble

      Your life is a gift from Allah, so your duties to protect yourself come before anything else. That goes for your mind too. Your mind should be kept healthy so anything you can do to keep your mind healthy is good. Some women are psychologically and emotionally abused to the point of insanity and I even knew two who commited suicide because they could not see a way out because there were no bruises to show anyone. People say they will go to hell but can you imagine the amount of strength it takes to kill oneself? No sane person could do it,therefore I believe they were made insane by their husbands. They both had three children each. No mother would willing leave their children to fend for themselves in this abusive world. The children were all under seven years of age.

  • Nafeesah Muhammad

    Alhumdullilah for the Clear Evidence that the Prophet…pbuh…brought us through his life example and his Prophethood and Allah is Merciful to His Creation to give us the Criterion of the Holy Quran to Govern our Lives…I am getting married in a few days and it is not my first…I have learned from my past mistakes and this reading material is great and is helpful in my marriage endeavor…May Allah Bless our marriage!!!

  • Zeinab Chakkour

    Salam Walekum!

    Very helpful message for all the couple in the World. Who is struggling in our busy life to manage between marriage and working life. We all should take pause and rethink about what we are doing in daily basis.

    Thank you so much for such a great article.

  • Abdul-Hakeem

    Al-hamduliLLAH!!! May ALLAH let us be those who say that “We hear and we will put it into practices”!! Thank you very much for bringing this up to lecture all Muslims!! fellow Muslims, lets us stick to this to have a happily long term marriage in this world and hereafter….Ashalamu Aalaikum!!

  • Basira Hanafi

    Salam, This is indeed a wonderful reminder. It goes to show that no one is perfect and every relationship needs some work. after all nothing comes easy. May Allah make it easy for us, Ameen

  • Masha Allah, it is good article. Every married couple should read this and do the same as mentioned in the ariticle. This is a good contribution towards happy marriage life.

  • Thankyou very much about this article jazakaAllah khier may Allah bleese you , wa saslamualaikum warhmatoAllah

  • AYESHA

    Thanks for sharing this with us May God bless you

  • Moulana Abdurrahman

    Subha nallah wal humdulilah

    It is a good article. The first thing people need to learn is self respect and then the respect of others. This starts from the home by the parents which is then taught to the children.

    I have interacted with thousands of people and the very first thing I always noticed is the disrspect that permeates from them. Unfortunately we have left this far too long and now have to revitalise it in order to get closer to ALLAH and our Most Beloved Nabi Alay he salaam.

    INSHA ALLAH I will try to keep in contact with you as often as possible as I am extremely busy. I would like to share many ideas with you so that we can become the Best Ummah that Nabi Alay he salaam spoke about.

    Jazakallah bil khair

  • coolsoombee

    Mashaallah,

    What an article. It is a very helpful and educative one. Please you brothers and sisters do make good use of its advice. You make a very happy marriage.

    Jazakallah – Subhanallah

  • amal

    Nice article..however you must also mention the rights of both husband and wife .
    JazakAllah

  • may Alllah(swt) continue to guide us and let us not deviate from His path after He has guided us

  • mohammad

    Such a great article is this! Thanks for sharing it. May Alla bless you and all muslim couples inshAlla.

  • Allah bless you.
    Husband and Wife Plays an equal role for an healthy marriage. Its 2 people who makes a marriage successful, when they understand and support each other. This message should be spread to each and every one. Marriages success rate will become higher then. INSHA ALLAH!!

  • Anonymous

    For those who care to know.

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