A recent article in the New York Times highlighted domestic violence and other social issues faced by Muslim sisters in the US.
Domestic Violence in Muslim Households
Unfortunately, such domestic abuse issues are quite common in Muslim households. The domestic issues that Muslim women face worldwide include husbands striking their wives (even when they are pregnant), family violence through marital discord, suicide, depression, humiliation, and other emotional illnesses that result from such treatment, and much more.
According to some estimates, the percent of Muslim women experiencing domestic abuse is approximately 20% in the US (almost paralleling those in non-Muslim households), even though the US has many laws protecting women rights. The statistics is probably worse in Muslim countries but many cases never surface simply because of fears of backlash from families and other community members.
The article cited above also highlighted the efforts of an organization called “Hamdard Center for Health and Human Services”, based in state of Illinois, USA, which is helping women cope with such social issues.
Domestic Violence is Anti-Islamic
Call it wishful thinking but if all Muslim men followed Islamic teachings properly, the community will not need such centers. However, unfortunately reality is impervious to our wishes. Increasing number of cases warrant more of such centers and many are being established. For example, similar to the center mentioned earlier, Muslim leaders of Islamic centers in North America and Europe have established counseling centers within mosques and Islamic centers that in turn are helping Muslim women get the help they need.
As Muslims, it pains us to read such accounts. After all, more than any other religion that we know, Islam guarantees more rights to women. Then why is it that Muslim women face such challenges? The bigger question seems to be why some of the so called Muslim men have their behavior and actions out of synch with the basic teachings of Islam?
Domestic Violence and Culture?
Many would argue that culture has a major role to play in such unfortunate norms. But, I would contend that no decent culture would ever allow such practices of its citizens. Who would claim such practices to be morally right according to ANY standards? They simply can’t be characterized as “culture”. Culture is defined as “the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, and scholarly pursuits”. Islamic culture
Domestic Violence is Bad Behavior
More often than not, such issues have to do with acquired bad behavior that is passed down through generations. These issues also have to do with the inability of some to control their anger, and their uncontrolled reactions to events. Unfortunately a number of these men are active “mosque goers” and proponents of Muslim issues, while not following in their own homes what they preach outside. Have these men forgotten the basic teachings of what the prophet Muhammad (saws) said about treatment of women?
We can spend a lifetime discussing the root causes but what is more important is to look for ways to fix the issue because so many women are victims of domestic abuse and they need immediate relief. Only if those Muslim men can hear and understand the prophet’s sayings about women, some of which are as follows:
Prophet Muhammad’s Sayings About Women Treatment
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So, what other proof do men who are perpetrators of such domestic abuses require? Even if the crimes of women are serious, Islam provides a more civilized approach of dealing with the issues. On the other hand, as in more common cases, if their complaint is that of harsh words and attitudes from their women partners, just remember that kindness even in the face of tough behavior can do miracles. A Japanese proverb says: “A kind word can warm three months of winter.”
What else do you think can be done to help all households (Muslim and non-Muslim) of domestic abuse? Share your thoughts below!
Well I hate to say it because my heart still very much believes in ISLAM but I cannot and will not live with it ever again for the same reasons in these posts and the muslim communities could care less. Sad but true we are loseing the battle,and I am the first to drop my sword.
I have recently started to read the Quran in English (with explanation of text) and although I have only reached Surat An Nisa (the woman), I have gained so much knowledge. The Quran is the most wonderful textbook of life – as we all know, Islam is not only a religion, but it is a complete way of life prescribed to us. It clearly states in this Surat, that if wives are disobedient, then they should be firstly verbally reprimanded. If this does not work, then the husband can refuse to share bed and failing this, to LIGHTLY hit out (according to scholars without causing any injury or marks and mostly as symbolic). It seems that firstly, many muslims men do not read the Quran in their own language and secondly that the first two recommended steps are missed. May Allah give these men the sense and initiative to embrace Islam properly and may Allah provide these beaten wives with ease and comfort, Amin. I urge all sisters to take care of other women – friends and family, particularly family. I cannot accept that these men do not have mothers and sisters who can intervene. Surely, one woman can empathise with other women? We are after all the ‘gentle’ kind – as the article states. We must all be vigilant, and help our sisters and daughters – after all, we will ALL answer to Allah (swt) on the day of judgement.
The scenario above is really sad and painful. Muslim men should realise that marriage is part of their deen, for which they will be accountable to ALLAH SWT. Hence, we need abundant patience, perseverance and prayers to weather the marital storm. We should be more accommodative and tolerant not only of our wives but also our family and neighbours. May Almighty ALLAH make it easy for all of us, Amin.
This is all because of the lack of right knowledge and half knowledge. Till date most of the Muslims have not understood the teachings of Islam properly
I beleive all muslim should come together to fight against all these abuse on women.Also muslims should be firm in their religion and have strong faith in whatever they do as their religion requires them to do.
I hope that poeple understand the basis of Islam which is based on peace and giving the right to human being. I hope that poeple stop abusing Islam
Anyone who tries to modify the real meaning of Islam is far to be an ennemy of Islam
Assalamu Alakium
May Allah(swt) bless the women who are experiencing these acts. Many men take Islam and make it Hislam and that is where it all falls apart. If the men were to do as the Prophet(pbuh) did then they would truly be striving to be good Muslims. May Allah(swt) bless all the believers and sista’s stand up because Allah(swt) is always with the TRUE BELIEVERS(Ameen).
As a social worker this issue on abuse towards women always continues to pain me. I believe that much of this problem stems from a misinterputation of the Holly Koran and the passages talking about the right to disapline a wife after other attempts have been made to change the problem that a husband may disaprove of. A marriage is a partnership for life and any problem is never solely the problem of the wife. Commication is always the answer, never under any circumstance is striking or any physical abuse allowed. Islam tells that humanity for all is one of the most important qualities of all Muslims. We as Muslims are forbidden to end the life of any living thing, why then would any man believe it is the teachings of Islam to physically harm their wives, when this is even forbidden to do to animals. Islam teaches that a Muslim is to seek knowledge, and properly understanding the teachings of Islam is the first knowledge we should seek.
Linda Shah, L.M.S.W.
Sister and convert to Islam in 2003.
It would please me to hear any response to my thoughts.
Would you happen to know of any Muslim counselors in the Las Vegas area?
I believe that muslims have enough knowledge about islam.
The problem is that nobody wants to folow it right.
salams,
I feel that during the friday khutba this topic should be given importance and elaborated with authenticated references.
As Salaamu Alaikum. I am a survivor of domestic violence for many years, even when I was a christian. I starting feeling that I had a mark on my forehead that says “abuse her”. The worst kind of abuse (even though all abuse is bad) is spiritual abuse (emotional). Through it all, I found myself more focused on Allah SWT. Through the test, trial and tribulation Allah blessed me to begin my spiritual growth towards Him, and I began to recite the dua Istikharah (seeking Allah’s Counsel) and remembering that Allah SWT has Blessed ME and showed ME Mercy by choosing me to be a Muslimah and taking me out of darkness and bringing me into the Nur (light). All I can tell the Muslimah’s is that Allah SWT states in the Qur’an, in the :Expansion” “With every difficulty comes relief, with every difficulty comes relief, still labor on and turn thyself to Allah in Praise. Allah has shown me Mercy and Love by taking me through the abuse. Allah SWT says, only Allah is perfect, man will fail you. Put all your trust in Allah SWT, be Patient and Persevere, He has something and someone better, wait on Allah. YOU CAN DO IT. Remember to trust in Allah and tie your camel. This goes for both brother and sisters.
May Allah SWT bless you and grant you what He has promised.
BE PATIENT
As Salaamu Alaikum
Sister Aishsh Rashid.
I have my MSW in Clinical Therapy and have offered my services to my Ummah for famiy and individual counseling as needed. Praying to Allah SWT that they utilize my blessed skills, compassion and love for the Ummah of Prophet Muhammd SAW.
Salaam,
I so hope you are in the Las Vegas area or atleast can recommend someone? 🙂 Please!
Salam Alaikum to all,
It is sad to see what is going on in the households of Muslims today. I live in a country where there are plenty of muslims and mosques. Honestly, I see more culture practiced in the community than I do religion. One Imam told his congregation here not to marry a revert, and if they did, do not have children by them. This was unbelieveable to me. Another thing is, here it is hard for a female to go to certain prayer places. Honestly, only men are allowed in lots of prayer places here, and even in bookstores. There is lots of ignorance going on and this is what causes lots of problems in the household. We need more learneth Imams to teach on this subject and not sweep it under the rug. Lots of people I think, are in denial. Plenty do not understand this deen at all.
Salaams to All!
This seems to be an ongoing problem not only in the Muslim world, but also non-Muslim communities.
The idea that culture brings about certain behaviors is just plain crazy. People have minds and should understand right and wrong. To state that if a father, husband, or some other male in the family, degraded and demoralized women, then I as a man should do the same. I have seen women denied basic living rights that are to be supplied by her husband, some hit in the head with stereo equipment and left for dead, told that she is as stupid as a donkey, or too old (<30 yrs old) to go back to school since he did not finish even High School and all of these so-called husbands attended the mosque regularly. This has got to stop! Heaven forbid, some of these women retailiate because of these offenses and really hurt the men the way they have been treated.
Jazakum lahu Khaeran to the inventor of this article. May God forgive all Muslim Husbands that have abused their wives either based on the misunderstood islamic teachings or otherwise. I think more scholars should persistently write frank articles concerning couples’ ways of handling conflicts.May God reward all as u contribute towards the cohesion of islamic families.
Happy new Hijra year to all Muslims.
Assalamu alaikum Brothers and Sisters in Islam,
It is indeed sad to see such things happening in Muslim society which is indeed the most ideal in terms of everything good you may think of. May Allah guide us all to the right path, amin.
I would like also to draw our attention to the fact that evil deeds will never disappear in any society whether Islamic or otherwise, neverthelsss, its seriousness can be reduced to the minimum through teaching and reminding ourselves, and more importantly implementation of sharia law. I it also patinent to know that there are more women-abuse cases outside Islamic circle than we are made to assume. Propaganda overblows our own and the propagandist trivialise their own shortfalls.
My suggestion is that our scholars should constantly educate people on courtship, marriage and upbringing of children in Islamic way. We should emphasise that marriage is one of the Ibadaat that we must [if we choose to marry] operate it they Allah [SWT] and His Prophet [SAW]directed us to do. Dwell both on men and women equally as both are stakeholders in good or bad relationships.
Bissalam.
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam
Assalaamu Alaikum Warahmatullah
Sub: Marital Relationship
Married partners have equal responsibility to share and bear to make the married life successful.
The problem with the Muslim families here in US or even in other countries like India and Pakistan is that the Muslim families do not have ties with their neighbors and with their Mosques in their area. Our Mosques have become places just to perform obligatory prayers and once we say Assalaamu alaikum Warahmatullah in our Q’eda, we think we have fulfilled the religious obligation. We do not know the other Muslim sitting and praying by our sides. We do not have bonds and relationship by which we could know each other, help each other and have social and moral fear not to commit any immorality.
In the absence of an Islamic rule or authority, things are getting worst. I am surprised to know that women are tortured in US. I think women are equally empowered or even more in USA as a telephone call “911” could send the husband to jail. Leave alone wives, a Maid Servant caused an Indian Millionaire couple to go to jail in USA recently.
The problem is not only with the husband or wife, but most of the children brought up in USA are getting out of hand and causing problems to the family and the parents are afraid that they may go to jail if reported by their own children if reprimanded. Even the same situation prevails in Schools. So where does our future generation learn morality and virtues?
Assalamu alaikum,
An islamic attitude is what is required every time we are faced with problems. Men can stop abuse as well as women just by following the techings of Quraan and Sunnah.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum to all. First I want to address the comment made by Linda Shah about it being forbidden to end the life of any living thing. There are those who would look at this statement, and ask why then do we slaughter animals. Why then is it permissible to kill poisonous spiders, scorpions, snakes, etc that find their way into our mosques?Those people would find a contradiction in that statement because that is what their purpose is- to find inconsistency with our Deen, and to distort its teachings. To my respected sister, these kinds of generalized statements provide ammunition to those people, but I must admit that the premise of your remarks are true and correct- we should respect all life, because we are not the ones who have given life. Now, it’s disgusting that the light-bearers of the world (Supposed to mean the muslims who have been given guidance) have been exposed as contributors to the high rates of spouse abuse not only in this country, but the world. It sickens me that men feel they have to beat their wives into submission. What you will find is that many of these men don’t have the courage to confront another man with their issues, so they take their frustrations out on women. That is a really weak excuse for a man.
abuses are everywhere. it may be in a muslim or non-muslim countries. people,women and even children are abused. maybe because of our individual differences, like culture, belief, etc. there are people who think they are doing right even if its wrong. there are also people who call themselves “muslims” but don’t even pray 5 times a day. it’s enough for them to pray every friday and consider themselves muslim. What i’m trying to say is that islamic education is very important. I believe that Islam is perfect in all aspects. If only all muslims fully understand the teachings of Islam, the Qur’an, and the Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW), and then follow it, these abusive especially to women will be eradicated and their will be peace in all muslim community and the world as a whole. But there are people who will never stop destoying Islam and brother Amir Hakim is right in saying that their job is FINDING INCONSISTENCY WITH OUR DEEN. So as a muslim, we should be responsible with what we say and what we do. Especially now (I heard from CNN) that the growth of Islam is even more faster than the growth of the population. ALHAMDULLILAH! It only shows that Islam really is the TRUE RELIGION.
I read the article and the posted comments and offer the following from the perspective of an American Muslim female attorney: Muslim men who abuse their wives are not practicing Islam and their conduct should not be a reason for us to turn away from Islam. Islamic law goes hand in hand with American jurisprudence on domestic violence. Many women fear speaking out, thus if a battered Muslim woman is afraid to seek protection through the judicial system, which IS permissible in Islam, though it may be considered a last resort, women should seek the help of others, such as (1) presenting the matter to your local Imam and requesting marital counseling, (2) requesting your local Imam meet individually with your husband to address his misapplication and/or misunderstanding of Islam and reinforce by discussion his duties to you, his wife, (3) asking your Wali OR a Muslim male relative OR husband of one of your Muslim friends whom your husband respects to speak to your husband, (4) requesting an Islamic ruling from a local Islamic authority, (5) seeking Islamic mediation through an established Islamic center offering this as a professional service, or (6) requesting a khul if you feel it is absolutely necessary and be vigilant in seeking the enforcement of the Islamic custody laws pertaining to children of both genders (Hadith on this matter offer guidance based on the age and gender of the child).
These alternatives will only be successful if the Muslim husband respects the authority of the woman’s Wali or Amirs and Sheiks who issue rulings, as the case may be. As my beloved father Amir Abdallah Yasin of Tuskegee, Alabama, who is the founder of Masjid Baytul-Khaliq of Newark, New Jersey often says, “Allah sees all that we do.” This is a powerful statement. Change will only come if we remain steadfast in du’ahs and mindful that women do not deserve to be physically abused for any reason. Unfortunately, many Muslim men misinterpret Islamic law, including Hadith in which Prophet Muhammed (p.b.u.h.) permitted punishment of women physically in this life as it will be less painful than a disobedient wife’s punishment by Allah (s.w.a.) Even for those Muslim wives who are disobedient, for whatever reason, and by whatever standard the husband determines disobedience has occurred, the ‘beating’ permitted by Prophet Muhammed (p.b.u.h.) is a MOCK beating with an object no larger than a miswak stick, thereby symbolizing the husband’s displeasure without actually harming the wife. The goal is for the disobedient wife to be emotionally moved such that she recognizes her transgression and is convicted in her heart to modify her behavior. We must tenderly educate our Muslim husbands with these friendly reminders of what is and is not Islamically permissible, and proactively seek to preserve our own rights through the options noted above. Two of the dangerous matters we must realistically acknowledge are that SOME Muslim men (1) wed women who are new to Islam and therefore do not have a full understanding of Islamic matters independent of the husband’s frame of reference, and (b) isolate their wives from others, thereby facilitating the institutionalized dynamic of manipulation and fear in the wife. We must seek AND use the knowledge we acquire, and at the end of the day, abused Muslim women must take necessary action to protect themselves in the spirit of self-reliance and self-preservation. Take baby steps if you must, but take those steps. As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatu.
THIS IS FOR JASMINE WHO WROTE:
Well I hate to say it because my heart still very much believes in ISLAM but I cannot and will not live with it ever again for the same reasons in these posts and the muslim communities could care less. Sad but true we are loseing the battle,and I am the first to drop my sword.
I WONDER WHETHER AT ALL YOU ARE, OR WERE A MUSLIM for a true Muslim will not give up his/her religion because he/she cannot fight the battle.
There are BAD people, but there are GOOD ONES, too. Some people will always struggle to point out the weak points in Muslims and will never mention the good things of Islam. In certain countries, there are people who NOT ONLY BEAT their wives but slaughter them, and cut them in pieces. There are those outside Islam who trade their wives with others “SWAP” for the sake of fun. If you consider such and the like things, you’ll jump up upright on your feet and scream, “I am proud to be a Muslim”. If some ill, ignorant or uneducated Muslims do such mistakes, you cannot blame ISLAM for it. ISLAM IS THE SEAL OF ALL RELIGIONS, IT AMENDS ALL THE EARLIER ONES. AND THEN YOU HAVE IN MUHAMMAD A PERSONALITY WHICH ALLAH SWT COMMENDED THAT IS YOURS ARE THE PINNACLE OF MANNERS. WE ARE THE FOLLOWERS OF MUHAMMAD SO LET US LEARN WHAT HE HAS TAUGHT AND A PROPHET WHOM ALLAH HAS COMMENDED CANNOT HAVE TAUGHT WHAT OTHERS WISH TO SPOIL.
assalam o alaikum it is issue which is not only creating bad impression of islam but also supporting the view point of those countries , who are trying to malign islam and want to keep muslim states unstablized as they narrate such incidents to support their brutal killings in muslim countries
ofcourse it is such a issue that contains many things.
We are muslims and we need to be more kind but our people are not following Islam sincerely. Every one says that i am a Momin but what are our deeds,can, in real sense,we be called muslims because we are following nonbelievers. in our society mothers are treatd very badly. mostly it is seen that when sons get married they misbehave wih their mothers and sisters,they consider them as their slaves. the mother who gives birth to a child they nurishes him, fulfills all his desires and loves him more than any one but on return what does she get? we must think about it!the second one is also a lady who destroys life of a lady, but she does not think that histroy repeats itself and Allah is watching us, he is well aware of our intentions.
some of the men misbehave with women because they think that they are superior to them and Allah has given them power to do what they want. such people must read Islamic teachings that what Islam says for them. they mostly threat their wives of divorce, why every where my beloved sisters are dishonoured.why why why???
In my opinion the abuse of women is a universal phenomenon, irrespective of one’s religion. This is an instinct from the animal side of a human being beyond his spiritual and moral entity. Though Islam protect the dignity, personality and honor of our women-folk exactly in the same dimension as that of men, some religiously ignorant Muslims also indulge in abusing their wives. It is the duty of Muslim scholars of the society to initiate awareness campaigns to educate Muslim youth in this regard.
Assalam Alaykum,
This issue is of great concern to us as a muslim around the globe because with this it will be difficult for us to talk to the women about islam.
And the truth is that the muslim men doing this know what is right,but will not follow it.
Regular sermon and prayer i feel insha Allah will go along way in helping the situation.
AlhamudulliLah! this ariticlle is very timely. We have found ourselves in an era where our matrimonial homes are nothing to write home about.
They are places that should raise better generations for the future but how can we achive that when the homes are in themselves the lion’s den.
You find couples at battle front everyday, never agreeing, this in turn affects the children and that is why the family units will continue to deteriorate until each and everyone of us male and female goes back to ALLAH (swt) and His Rasul (saw) and follow the teachings to the letter. The root cause being ‘ONE WILL NEVER BE A BELIEVER UNTIL HE/SHE LOVES FOR HIS/HER SPOUSE WHAT HE/SHE LOVES FOR HIM/HER SELF’.
Assalam alaikum, it’s highly regretable and despicable that in this modern age, some people would still resort to all these kinds of abuse on their spouse. They should stop blaspheming the holy Prophet (saw) to justify their brutal actions on their spouses. If we can be managing the excesses of people outside our homes, how much more of our wives. We should stop portraying Islam as religion of yesterday, that has no place in modern day set up. Let’s be a role model in society. According to research, Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world today, especially in the western and eastern parts of the world. our wives should be seen as our partners, not slaves nor servants.
As salaamu alaikum
This issue coming to light from within the ummah doesn’t create a bad impression of Islam in the minds of those who are anti-Islam since they already have those views. The logic they use that Islam supports domestic abuse is flawed in that such abuse exists among every group of people.
What is troubling is that not enough people in the ummah want to talk about this very real issue. On another Muslim forum a sister was speaking about the emotional/psychological abuse she was suffering and when I indicated that this falls under the umbrella of domestic abuse, the term was changed to oppression. That change spoke volumes that there is a serious avoidance in even calling the issue what it is and thus addressing it. As if not mentioning it and ignoring it will make it go away.
Patience is a virtue, but patience in something serious as physical domestic abuse can cause the loss of life, so patience doesn’t apply.
I too dealt with abuse in some forms and I quickly recognized it for what it was; and sent him packing. Now I’m probably too cautious and so by myself but better to be alone than deal with such again. I do agree that it is generally a weak man that will abuse a woman because he can’t take on another man.
Calling the police sadly isn’t often an option because male officers will make the victim feel like it was her fault. I had some tell me I couldn’t put my husband out of the house because I was the owner of record. Turns out that information was wrong as confirmed by a lawyer, but the bum is gone so it didn’t matter one way or the other. If the officers had been right I would have sold my house because a material possession can be replaced; my security and that of my children was far more important.
Some women are afraid to speak up and seek help because they fear having to care for themselves or possibly losing their children or raising them alone. Thing is women have been doing it for years and children have turned out just fine. I stand as proof. My children don’t want for necessities nor some luxuries, I own my house, I have a child in college; I’m better off without someone making me feel worthless, withholding income and thinking he could put his hands on me and not face consequences.
Islam isn’t the cause; Islam is the cure. People are the cause but Islam can cure them.
As salaamu alaikum
wlksm i am deeply sympathetic by your treatment from your husband. but my husband also controls me evrytime preventing me from getting someone on my side. i suffer emotionaly and im unhappy in my relationship with him. but he is my first cousin by arranged marriage im am unable to get divorce . if someone can advise me i would appreciate their concern as he is a pushy bossy and bully towards me. he is a two face personality and manipulates people that im at fault i get humiliated infront of his family he openly describes my weaknesses and odd habits…i dont want him putting out dirty laundry. i am very embarrassed to whom i turn to.please help whom i go to, im british pakistani. i will have to initiate the divorce because i have had numerous talks with my husband that we must separate because of domestic abuse theres no love no intimacy and everytime there is complaints and hate of each other but he laughs at my face and remind me i will suffer if i make this step and advises me i should walk out of our marital home not him. he is just driving me crazy . im foolish to carry on with this stupid man. i want my freedom but he refuses .
Dear Mrs,
I am really sorry for your situation.This abuse is not justified by the real Islam.Islam is used as an excuse for him to abuse you.You are in Britain, the law can protect you.Before you do anything ( start the divorce ) , save some money, find a charity that will help you to get a new and safe life and pray.
No women has to suffer at the hands at someone and to be treated worse that slaves.
God help you and give you power, if you don’t escape, he will abuse your children and you till the day you die.Good luck!
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum
I would like to respond to Amir Hakeem. Please accept my apologue; I do have a difficult time writing my thoughts in a clear manner and therefore can be misunderstood. I was referring to taking any life for unnecessary reasons, and only for the reasons that are allowed in the teachings of the Qur’an. Therefore, harming or killing any living thing put on this earth by Allah, with no purpose is not Islam. Abuse to any living thing is forbidden and this is why the Qur’an teaches us the exact method to slaughter the animals.
Thank You for Your Interest in my Opinion, Very Nice to Hear From Others
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum
To Linda Shah:
No apology is necessary. I think I know what you were trying to say- your premise was clear, but for the sake of being misunderstood by those whom I spoke of earlier- I wanted to make sure there was no room for ambiguity. You are absolutely right in your overview of our Islamic duties. Thanks for offering your words to this forum; it’s how we, as Muslims will teach others about our Deen (way of life). Salaam.
I believe one of the most helpful things that can be done to help the issue of domestic abuse, especially among Muslims is more teaching of the qualities and behaviors of Prophet Muhammad(SAW) toward his wives and women in general. I had the benefit of hearing a Shayk teach on “Love and Marriage” and he spoke extensively about the tenderness of Prophet Muhammad toward his wives especially. The teaching came from sound hadith and the teacher was a scholar of Fiqh. Some men in the class were so surprised that this information existed. It was a lifetime blessing to me confirming the beauty of Islam. I would encourage Muslim women to seek this knowledge on their own so that they may be armed with it BEFORE entering a marriage of abuse.(For those who have not married or have a choice) Secondly, I am trying to work with my community to recognize and implement assistance for Muslim women in this situation. Abuse has been a plague for women for thousands of years, let us not despair that it is only a current issue.
assalam o aliakum I’m not hopless about Islam’s future and Muslims. History repeats itself. Good and bad things come in every person’s life and same in the age of every nation. We trust in one God and He will not leave us alone if we are obeying His commands.
As Salaamu Alaikum, I am a Muslimah in the Newark, NJ who has a domestic violence center for Muslim and Non-Muslim women. I have counselled on both sides, Muslim and Non-Muslim, Rich and Not so Rich, Black, White, Jewish and other religions. I’m not sure where the information came from that Muslim women are beat more than Non-Muslims. Domestic violence does not have a religion nor does it have a color and abuse is abuse no matter how you look at it. Allah has never hit or beat any of his wives. This should be the example to all people which includes women as well. Don’t leave the women out, there are some women that are batterers as well. The statistics does not show much about men because men don’t talk much about their abuse. The abuse of women is a universal phenomenon, irrespective of one’s religion. One should not pick a particular religion without stats about all religions. May Allah bless this Ummah and make it easy on all of us. Amin.
As Salaamu Alaikum, I am an African American Muslim living in Newark, New Jersey. I am the Founder and CEO of a domestic violence agency for Muslim and Non-Muslimah women. I counsel Muslim, Jewish, Baptist and Christian women. I counsel women of all faiths. What I know for a fact is that domestic violence has not race or religion. It happens to women and believe it or not, it happens to men as well, whom I’ve counselled. When we remain steadfast in du’ahs and mindful that women do not deserve to be physically abused for any reason, this Ummah will be a better Ummah with Allah (swt) grace. Please believe that there are men that are abused by women as well. The statistics will not show as much men as their are women because the men will not come forward for fear of being labled. Unfortunately, many Muslim men misinterpret Islamic law, including Hadith in which Prophet Muhammed (p.b.u.h.) permitted punishment of women physically in this life as it will be less painful than a disobedient wife’s punishment by Allah (s.w.t.) Even for those Muslim wives who are disobedient, for whatever reason and we can be at times, by whatever standard the husband determines that the disobedience occurred, the ‘beating’ permitted by Prophet Muhammed (p.b.u.h.) is a MOCK beating with an object no larger than a miswak, or a handful of grass, thereby symbolizing the husband’s displeasure without actually harming the wife but when we as women/men are ignorant to what our rights are and are not practing the Sunnah, we are in grave danger. Allah (swt) says, IQRA, Read! If we read and know what our laws are, men/women would not tolerate this behavior. What we can do, is reach out, learn more about this deadly disease and education our Imams so when the women come to them, they are not lost for words. I am in the process of training our Imams here in Essex County so that they are not lost for words and is able to guide the brothers back to Islam. My agency is Baitul Hemayah, Newark, NJ, and am willing to help any Muslimah that needs counseling and/or training. I can be reached at 908-875-5558. As Salaamu Alaikum.
Salam Alykom to all:
It pains me to even see the need of this blog being written but it is very important as abuse is there. Even when a good many people approach the masjid with ideas how to serve the community they are told there is not a need. They fob off the idea that many men are regularly beating their wives and children. (In no way am I not recognizing that there are men being bullied and abused as well.) The daughters grow to see this as acceptable treatment and the sons see it as part of married life. Many a Imam throws his hands up and say, “What am I to do?” At a time when we as a community are being watched by all do you not it think most important that is situation is brought under control? ‘They’ are looking for any excuse to arrest Muslims and remove our children from our homes. The longterm impact of this is not being realized. To every brother that turns his eye blind when he knows a friend or family memeber is beating his wife will be equally held accountable on The Day. To the sisters who ignore it or even worse distance themselves when they see it happening, you shall be asked why. We need to apply pressure from within the community to fix this solution. This included providing support, funds and dealing with security issues. In addition Imams need to be supportive of the woman seeking divorce from a man that is abusing his wife and family. Telling her to only pray or be patient is not the response needed. Asking her what SHE is doing wrong on adds to the abuse. In fact that alone is abusive. Everyone needs to step up and put their foot down. The repeat offender needs to be identified so that he can’t go from wife to wife and continue the behavior. Do it first for Allah and then second do it for you sisters, mothers, daughters and all other women you care for.
Assalamu alaikum,
Happy new hijra year, wishing us all Allah’s blessings, guidance and protection.
In my oppinion, the need for these councelling centres does not arise. The traditions of our beloved prophet (saw) is examplary in the matter of handling domestic disputes and thus we are expected to follow those teachings and the prescribed injunctions in the holy quran. Accepted that two individuals living together could one day reach a point of no understanding in one matter or the other, but then, the Prophet SAW said ‘the strongest among you is not who can beat 100 men but he who can control his heart (temper and wishes).
May Allah guide us to the straight path, the path of those who recieves his blessings, and not of those that deserves his anger, ameen. Have been married for eight years and cant remember being harsh even in words to my wife. Perhaps it is because I married the right woman who is meant to be my wife and she comes from a family with a cultured background? Or is it that we both came to the realization that a human being can only be 99% and never 100% and thus the need for patience and understanding of the filialities of the human being? Brothers and sisters in Islam, we are indeed a lucky lot if only we will adhere to the principles and teachings of our great religion, our perfect prophet (saw), and our pious leaders. Let us project a good image for the sake of Allah, we are the ambassadors of Islam wherever we may find ourselves. Bissallam.
Assalam-o-Alakum brother and sisters in Islam,It is a fact that man and husbands abuse woman and their wives.I think the solutions is in woman’s hand.She should teach true islamic values according to islam to their children.Make them just a good muslim and a human being.It is also depend our teacher religous scholars to teach the new generation live as a human consider womans equal in all aspect of life as well as a human.Do it with good hope Allah will take care of it later. With good wishes.
I have gone through all the commentaries made by my brothers and sister on prevalent abuse against womenfolk throughout the world, whether Muslim or non Muslim. Since I am a Muslim and it obligatory to say some thing on the topic keeping in view Islamic point of view. In Islam rights and duties concerning women are clearly stated. It would be wastage of time hammer on these again and again. We have amalgamated cultural values with Islam. We require to filter these unislamic culture norms from the Islamic practices. For example a custom prevalent in Baluchistan province of Pakistan is that of selling and buying of women for the purpose of marriage. This cultural brutality has been given the umbrella of Islam by saying that the amount so received is returned in the shape of dowry to the bride. The imbalance in the value of dowry so given to bride and the amount paid to the parents of the bride clearly speaks of this anamoly.This custom is called as ”wolver” and ”Lab”.
The other unislamic culture value prevalent in Baloch tribes in Balochistan is that of ”Wata Sata”. According to this custom girls are married in exchange of girls for marriage. In case no appropriate match is there in one side, inappropriate match is validated. I have personally seen 13 years old girls married with 65 years old men in return of his daughter . This custom is also prevalent in Sind province and southern Punjab. In kashmore district of Sind, there is a baloch tribe where women are not allowed to wear shoes lest they will run away with their fiancés. Though this vice has been curtailed a lot, yet its remnants are still there. In Sind province of Pakistan in various landlord families women are married with Quran so as their land may remain intact. Simultaneously, care is taken to keep the girls with in families so as the properties are not devided.In such case even the incompetent and lunatics are made the husbands of highly qualified girls. In Punjab province of Pakistan efforts are made get the legal rights of ownership are transferred to own family members before the girl is married out.
Non of these vices are correct according to Islamic Shariah. As these all are practiced by Muslims, the ignorant hold Islam responsible. The fact is that Islam itself curse such people.Thes are only the Muslim for name. They have nothing to do with Islam. It is suggested that social welfare organizations and the NGO’s working for the betterment of womenfolk should make a drive to literate the people against these social evils. Practical efforts are required instead of lip services and seminars in highly paid hotel galleries. Ghulam Abbas Moaj
I was saddened by this article but not surprised. As a convert to Islam, it took me years to get beyond the generalized abuse of women committed by men who happen to be Muslims. These men claim to be Muslims but instead of worshipping Allah, they worship their culture and use our religion to cover up their abuse and failure to follow the Sunnah of the Prophet and, as a direct result, give Islam a bad name. This has got to stop. I am sick and tired of listening to horror story after horror story of women being abused by their husbands who then claim that they have a right to do this because of Islam. Believe me, I personally know of at least two women who have undergone years of abuse by their husbands who claim it is their right to behave this way because women should obey their husbands. This is totally wrong, women should obey Allah first and make no partners with Allah – including their husbands. This is why this has been allowed to go on for so long because women have been taught to worship their husbands right next to Allah. Ultimately, this is a shirk practice which has no place in our religion. As long as this culture is allowed to pass itself off as our religion, we will never have the success that Allah wants for us. We have got to clean up our own backyard before Allah will allow us to be the leaders that we ultimately are supposed to be.
What you have said is true. Women are raised to believe the word of their husband is “gospel” and gong against him is a sin. Slaves are obedient to masters but why would the Quran mention wives separately if they were no different to slaves? I think misintepretation of the Quran and hadiths by insecure men has led to the decline of the rights, honor and dignity afforded to women by Allah. In sura Al Nisa 4:34 the term qanitat is mistaken for obedience but it is much closer to devoted or to do something out of love and devotion. But women are made to feel they must have the obedience of a slave and anything other is a sin against Allah. Also by the hurt men cause their wives, they go against the term applicable to men, qawamuna which is more close to protector and maintainer than ruler or leader. It means to support or help something to stand up. How can the person meant to protect a woman be the one she needs to be protected from? We muslims have a long way to go. Our insecurities have made revert back to the dark ages when once we were the leaders in all things.
FYI – DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE BIBLE SAID ABOUT WOMEN?
Women were considered inferior to men:
Genesis 1:27 to 3:24:
In the first creation story (Genesis 1:27) God is described as
creating man, both male and female at the same time: “So God created
man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and
female created he them.” 2 This might be interpreted as implying
equality between the two genders.
But in the second creation story, (Genesis 2:7) God formed only a man:
“…the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed
into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
Realizing that he needed a helper (Genesis 2:18), God marched all of
the animals past Adam (Genesis 2:19-20) looking for a suitable animal.
Finding none suitable, God created Eve out of one of Adam’s ribs. The
term “helper” has historically been interpreted as implying an
inferior role for Eve, although some modern interpreters believe that
the word can mean a companion of equal status. “…the Hebrew word
translated “helper” is used twenty-one times in the Old Testament:
twenty of these cases refer to help from a superior.” (3) In Genesis
2:27, Adam later asserts his authority over Eve by naming her:
“…she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” In
ancient times, one was believed to have authority over a person or
thing by naming it.
Genesis 3:16: Adam’s role is to be Eve’s master. The King James
Version (KJV), New International Version (NIV), and Revised Standard
Version (RSV) use the term “rule” to describe Adam’s role over Eve:
“…thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
The Living Bible uses the term “master”. The Modern Language Bible
uses “dominate”. By implication, all of their descendents are would
have the same power imbalance between spouses.
A man could marry (literally “become the master of the woman”) as
often as he desired. In Genesis 4:19, Lamech became the first known
polygamist when he took two wives. Subsequent men who took multiple
wives included: Esau with 3 wives; Jacob: 2; Ashur: 2; Gideon: many;
Elkanah: 2; David: many; Solomon: 700 wives of royal birth; Rehaboam:
3; Abijah: 14. Jehoram, Joash, Ahab, Jeholachin and Belshazzar also
had multiple wives.
Genesis 21:10: A man could simultaneously keep numerous concubines.
These were sexual partners of an even lower status than a wife was. As
implied in this verse she could be dismissed when no longer needed:
Sarah is recorded as saying: “…Cast out this bondwoman and her son:
for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with
Isaac.” Abraham had two concubines; Gideon: at least 1; David: many;
Nahor: 1; Jacob: 1; Eliphaz: 1; Gideon: 1; Caleb: 2; Manassah: 1;
Saul: 1; David: at least 10; Rehoboam: 60; Solomon: 300; an
unidentified Levite: 1; Belshazzar: more than 1.
In Exodus 1:15-16, the Pharaoh ordered the midwives to kill all Jewish
boys at birth, because of the threat that they might pose to the
kingdom. “And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the
Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye
shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live.” The
girls, being considered less important, were not seen as a threat;
they were allowed to live.
Exodus 20 & 21: This is perhaps the most misogynistic pair of chapters
in the Bible. A number of verses describe a woman as the property of
her father. At marriage, her ownership was transferred to her new
husband:
Exodus 20:17 lists the last of the Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt not
covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s
wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his
ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.” It is important to
realize that a manservent and a maidservant were male and female
slaves. They were not a hired butler and maid. The tenth commandment
forbids coveting your neighbor’s house, wife, male slave female slave,
animals or anything else that the neighbor owns. The wife is clearly
regarded as equivalent to a piece of property.
Exodus 21:2-4: “If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall
serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing….If his
master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughters;
the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out
by himself.” A slaveowner was permitted to give a woman to his male
slave as a wife. There is no indication that women were consulted
during this type of transaction. After serving six years, he would
leave, but his wife and children would remain slaves of the
slaveowner. Again, there is no indication that the woman was consulted
on this arrangement,
Exodus 21:7: “And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she
shall not go out as the menservants do.” A father could sell his
daughter as a slave. Even though a male slave is automatically given
his freedom after 6 years, a female slave remained a slave forever.
Exodus 22:16-17: The first seventeen verses of Exodus 22 deal with
restitution in case of stealing, or damage to, a person’s property.
Verses 16 and 17 deal with the case of a man who seduces a virgin.
This was viewed as a property offense against the woman’s father. The
woman was expected to marry the seducer. If her father refused to
transfer ownership of his daughter to the seducer, the latter was
required to required to pay money to her father. The money would be in
compensation for the damage to the father’s property – his daughter.
It would be difficult for a non-virgin to marry.
Exodus 21:22-25 describes a situation in which two men are fighting
and one hits a pregnant woman. If the woman has a miscarriage because
of the blow, the man is punished as the husband decides and must pay a
fine for their act – not to the woman, but to her husband, presumably
because he has been deprived of a child. The woman had no involvement.
Exodus 21:22: “…he shall be surely punished, according as the
woman’s husband will lay upon him; and he shall pay as the judges
determine.”
Exodus 23:17 states that only men are required to take part in the
feasts of unleavened bread, of harvest and of ingathering: “Three
times in the year all thy males shall appear before the Lord GOD.”
Leviticus: This book deals mainly with the duties of the priesthood,
the Levites. Women were not allowed to become priests.
bullet Leviticus 12:1-5 Quotes God as stating that a woman who has
given birth to a boy is ritually unclean for 7 days. If the baby is a
girl, the mother is unclean for 14 days. “If a woman have conceived
seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days…But
if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks…” It
would appear that the act of having a baby is a highly polluting act.
To give birth to a girl is twice as polluting as is giving birth to a
boy.
Leviticus 27:6 A child aged 1 month to five years of age was worth 5
shekels if a boy and 3 shekels if a girl. “And if it be from a month
old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male
five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be
three shekels of silver.”
Numbers 3:15 shows that a census counted only male infants over the
age of one month, boys and men. “Number the children of Levi after the
house of their fathers, by their families: every male from a month old
and upward shalt thou number them.” Females were not considered worthy
of being included.
Numbers 5:11-31 describes a lengthy magical ritual that women were
forced to perform if their husbands suspected them of having had an
affair. A priest prepared a potion composed of holy water mixed with
sweepings from the floor of the tabernacle. He proclaimed a curse over
the potion and required the woman to drink it. If she were guilty, she
would suffer greatly: her abdomen would swell and her thighs waste
away. There is no similar magical test for husbands suspecting of
having an affair with another woman.
In Numbers 27:8-11, Moses describes the rules of inheritance that God
has stated. If a man dies, his son inherits the estate; his daughter
gets nothing. Only if there is no son, will his daughter inherit. If
there are no children, then the estate is given to the man’s brothers;
his sister(s) get nothing. If he had no brother, the estate goes to
his nearest male relative. “…If a man die, and have no son, then ye
shall cause his inheritance to pass unto his daughter. And if he have
no daughter, then ye shall give his inheritance unto his brethren. And
if he have no brethren, then ye shall give his inheritance unto his
father’s brethren. And if his father have no brethren, then ye shall
give his inheritance unto his kinsman that is next to him of his
family….”
Numbers 30 describes that a vow taken by a man is binding. But a vow
taken by a woman can be nullified by her father, if she is still
living in her family of origin, or by her husband, if she is married.
Deuteronomy 21:10-13 describes how a soldier can force a woman captive
to marry him without regard for her wishes. “When thou goest forth to
war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them
into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, And seest among
the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou
wouldest have her to thy wife; Then thou shalt bring her home to thine
house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; And she shall
put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in
thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and
after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she
shall be thy wife.”
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 requires that a virgin woman who has been raped
must marry her attacker, no matter what her feelings are towards the
rapist. “If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not
betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father
fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife….”
Deuteronomy 24:1 describes the procedure for obtaining a divorce. This
can only be initiated by the husband, not by the wife: “When a man
hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find
no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her:
then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand,
and send her out of his house.”
Deuteronomy 25:5-10: states that if a woman is widowed, she would be
required to marry her former brother-in-law. This was called a
“levirate” marriage. Their first-born son will later be considered to
be the son of the deceased husband. The man could refuse to marry her.
Women were not given a choice in the matter. ” If brethren dwell
together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead
shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband’s brother shall
go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of
an husband’s brother unto her.”
Deuteronomy 25:11: If two men are fighting, and the wife of one of
them grabs the other man’s testicles, her hand is to be chopped off.
There is no penalty if a male relative were to grab the other man.
“When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one
draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that
smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the
secrets. Then thou shalt cut off her hand…”
Judges 19:16-30 describes an event similar to Genesis 19. Some men in
the city wanted to “know” a visiting Levite. The owner of the house
offered his virgin daughter and the Levite’s concubine so that the men
could rape them. Verse 24 states: “Behold, here is my daughter a
maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye
them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man
do not so vile a thing.” The man sent his own concubine outside to the
gang, who proceeded to serially rape her. She died of the attacks. The
man only learned of her death when he was leaving the house in the
morning and stumbled across her body.
The woman was clearly considered expendable and of little value.
2 Chronicles 36:23 mentions the Second Temple which was constructed
after some Jews returned from exile in Babylon. It was rebuilt by
Herod late in the 1st century BCE. One of its features was women’s
court, considered the least sacred area. Next was the court of the
Israelites (reserved for males), then the court of the Priests, and
finally the Temple itself. The courts were laid out in this order to
separate the women as far as possible from the Temple.
During the Second Temple period, women were not allowed to testify in
court trials. They could not go out in public, or talk to strangers.
When outside of their homes, they were to be doubly veiled. “They had
become second-class Jews, excluded from the worship and teaching of
God, with status scarcely above that of slaves.” 3
Biblical references promoting female inferiority:
1 Corinthians 11:3: “…Christ is the head of every man, and a husband
the head of his wife, and the head of Christ is God. (NIV)”. There is
some debate among theologians about the translation of the Greek word
“kephale” as “head.” However that word is universally used in New
Testament translations.
1 Corinthians 11:7-10
The authority of Christ is the authority of God. Any man who speaks
with God or about God in a way that shows a lack of respect for the
authority of Christ, dishonors Christ. In the same way, a wife who
speaks with God in a way that shows a lack of respect for the
authority of her husband, dishonors her husband. Worse, she dishonors
herself—an ugly sight, like a woman with her head shaved. This is
basically the origin of these customs we have of women wearing head
coverings in worship, while men take their hats off. By these symbolic
acts, men and women, who far too often butt heads with each other,
submit their “heads” to the Head: God.
1 Corinthians 14:34-35: “…women should remain silent in the
churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as
the Law says, If they want to inquire about something, they should ask
their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak
in the church.” (NIV) This is a curious passage. It appears to
prohibit all talking by women during services. But it contradicts
verse 11:5, in which St. Paul states that women can actively pray and
prophesy during services.
Many theologians have concluded that verses 14:33b to 36 are a later
addition, added by an unknown counterfeiter with little talent at
forgery. Bible scholar, Hans Conzelmann, comments on these three and a
half verses: “Moreover, there are peculiarities of linguistic usage,
and of thought. [within them].” 6 If they are removed, then Verse 33a
merges well with Verse 37 in a seamless transition. Since they were a
later forgery, they do not fulfill the basic requirement to be
considered inerrant: they were not in the original manuscript written
by Paul.
Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For
the husband is the head of the wife…wives should submit to their
husbands in everything.” (NIV)
1 Timothy; various passages: Conservative theologians date this
“pastoral epistle” as having being written prior to 65 CE, and assign
its authorship to Paul. Liberal theologians generally believe that it
was written by an unknown author during the first half of the second
century, a half-century or longer after St. Paul’s execution. If the
latter is true then the epistle’s many passages reflecting female
inferiority can be attributed to a gradual reinstatement of
patriarchal authority by the early Church. Some of these passages are:
1 Timothy 2:11-15:”A woman should learn in quietness and full
submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over
a man; she must be silent…” (NIV) Some Biblical scholars believe
that woman and man should be replaced by wife and husband in the above
passage. This would mean that the passage would not refer to women
teaching men in the church, but rather wives teaching their husbands
within the home. 5
1 Timothy 3:2: “Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband
of but one wife…” (NIV) This would seem to imply that all overseers
(bishops) must be male.
1 Timothy 3:8: “Deacons likewise, are to be men worthy of respect,
sincere…” (NIV)
bullet Titus 1:6: “An elder must be blameless, a husband of but one
wife” (NIV). Women are apparently excluded from the position of elder
or bishop.
Titus 2:4: “…train the younger women…to be subject to their
husbands.” There is no indication of equal power sharing in marriage.
1 Peter 3:7: Women are referred to as “the weaker vessel” in
comparison to their husbands
Whenever we muslims choose to follow our culture instead of Islam whether it be the lack of knowledge of Islam or the fear of our community. Then we risk the protection ( abuse and abuser) that is given to us in islam By Allah subhana wata ilah.
Islam is not a trial religion but an established way of true living. We will benefit from it when we get it right. Many of us today muslim select our mates base on everything except our true deen. We must learn that seeking a mate is a way of earning Allah pleasure.
SALAM. THE PROBLEM IS IGNORANCE.MUSLIMS SHOULD KNOW AND SEE MARRIAGE AS A FORM OF IBADAAT NOT JUST A SOCIAL OBLIGATION.MEN SHOULD REFLECT AND FOLLOW THE PATH TRODDEN BY OUR PROPHET [SAW]. BISSALAM.
im seen as a servant for my husband, if i so much make a noise while he is asleep i get yelled at, if i awake in early hours i get scolded, if i pray in night he insults me , i enjoy reading tahajjud and fajir zohr and asr prayers, but he looks for himself and his meals and home needs. i am a woman i have my diginity my respect my honour i dont have to listen to a selfish unkind stubborn arrogant man just because i have been arranged married to him and just because he is imy first cousin being my mums eldest brothers eldest son. my husband only finds the opportunity to openly humiliate me infront of his relatives of my weaknesses and odd habits but when we are with my family he is quiet and mingles with them..he is a totally different chap…myfamily get confused that im making all these problems for myself to them. im very hurt and lonely. my husband even though he quarells with me, still i let him have intercourse with me im am helpless he is nasty with me but i notice with other female members of family he is sweet jokey and the top conversationalist i ever seen.he is like a repeat offender , this pattern keeps repeating again over and my life is miserable and i now have to ignore him what he says and carry on in this zombie silent way. i would like my email to remain anonymous please.
I grew up without Islam and as a child was locked out of the house while my father beat my mother. It is something to hear your Mother cry for mercy and you cannot help her. I would highly suggest spouses consider the affects on their children. It is immense.
as salam wa alaikum
its very sad to say that a very few men or people you can say follow the Holy QURAN they have created their own rules and laws and force muslims to abide by them i hate such hypocrites, if muslim men would follow islamic laws women or young girlswould not go through such bad phases of life, i pray all the girls get understanding husbands only loving is not enough,AMEEN!
Not only womens are abused in Asian countries by their In laws but even the parents of girl is abused. Even the husband of the woman is boycotted or violated by his parents and family . Just because he is fulfilling rights of his wife he is cursed and bad mouthed by his family.What should we muslims do at this situation ? Is’nt its time we should stand for such violence also ?
I understand that wives get abused, but what about the children? How much do they have to tolerate from their fatherly figure? Domestic violence is usually thought to occur between spouses, but what about the daughters or sisters? To what point is it permitted for to break away. I gave this man a second chance, but I see day by day old habits being reborn.