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Ridding Oneself of Jealousy, Hatred, and Resentment

Most of us live our lives with feelings of hatred for certain people and also feeling jealous of what Allah has granted others in provisions of this life. Such feelings not only rob us of our peace within but also hurt us both in this life and the hereafter.

It is reported in the Musnad of Ahmad from Anas, (radi-Allahu-anhu), that he said,

We were sitting in the presence of the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) one day and he said, `A person is about to arrive from this mountain path who is from the people of Paradise.’ So a person from the Ansar arrived, his beard dripping with the water of wudu and holding his sandals in his left hand, and he gave us the salam. The next day the Prophet (s.a.w.) said similar words and the same person appeared in the same condition. On the third day the Prophet (s.a.w.) again said similar words and again this person appeared in the same condition, so when the Prophet (s.a.w.) left, `Abdullah bin `Amr al-Aas followed this person and said, indeed I have abused my father and I swore that I would not go to him for three days so if you would let me stay with you until those three days expire, I would do so.’ He replied, `Yes.’

Anas continued saying,

So `Abdullah told us that he spent three nights with this person yet he did not see him stand for the night prayer at all. All he did was when he turned sides on his bed he would mention Allah and make takbir and would do this until he stood for the Fajr prayer. `Abdullah said, `Except that I never heard him speak except good.’ So when the three days were over I was eager to make little of his actions. I said, `O servant of Allah there was no hatred or disassociation between my father and me but I heard the Messenger of Allah (saying on three occasions, `A person is about to arrive who is from the people of Paradise,’ and you arrived on those three occasions, so I wished to stay with you so that I may look at your actions and emulate them. But I have not seen you perform a great deal of actions, so what is it that has reached you to make the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) say what he said?’ He replied, `It is nothing more than what you have seen, except that I do not find in myself any disloyalty (animosity) toward any of the Muslims, and neither do I find any jealousy for the wealth that Allah has bestowed upon them.’

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We see from the above hadith that keeping a clean heart rather than one filled with hatred, jealousy, animosity, and so on can be a source of peace in this life and salvation on the day of judgment.

In our daily dealings with people, some of us not only have such feelings about others but we also forsake them. We should remind ourselves that it is not permissible to forsake a Muslim, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5727; Muslim, 2560). This applies especially if the believer is a relative because forsaking relatives is an even worse sin.

We learn from scholars that the only exception of this is in cases where the other’s company and mixing can hurt one spiritually and in other areas of ones life. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr also said: “The scholars are unanimously agreed that it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, unless there is the fear that speaking to him and keeping in touch with him will affect one’s religious commitment or have some harmful effect on one’s spiritual and worldly interests. If that is the case, it is permissible to avoid him, because peaceful avoidance is better than harmful mixing.” (Tarh al-Tathreeb, 8/99)

The general principle is that “the Muslim must be forbearing and sincere towards his brothers, he must be tolerant towards them and overlook their mistakes. He should not hasten to adopt a solution that may cause division and haraam kinds of forsaking.” (islamqa.info)

Feeling jealous of other’s provisions and rizq

To avoid feelings of jealousy of the provisions that others may have, we should remind ourselves that Allah has apportioned our provisions in this life and trying to feel jealous of others is akin to disagreeing with Allah on His decisions. Consider the following verses from the Quran:

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“Is it they who would portion out the Mercy of your Lord? It is We Who portion out between them their livelihood in this world, and We raised some of them above others in ranks, so that some may employ others in their work. But the Mercy of your Lord is better than the (wealth of this world) which they amass.  [Surah al-Zukhruf 43:32]

In a hadith narrated by Al-Tirmidhi from al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awaam that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“There has come to you the disease of the nations before you, jealousy and hatred. This is the ‘shaver’ (destroyer); I do not say that it shaves hair, but that it shaves  (destroys) faith. By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you of that which will strengthen love between you? Spread (the greeting of) salaam amongst yourselves.” (A hasan hadeeth. Jaami’ al-Tirmidhi, 2434).

Cleaning our hearts of jealousy and hatred

As part of our personal purification efforts, we should constantly work to rid our hearts of such feelings. No one is free from such feelings but we should venture to avoid Satan’s whispers regarding instilling such feelings in our hearts. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: “Nobody is free from hasad (jealousy), but the noble person hides it whilst the base person shows it.” (Amraad al-Quloob). A person will not be brought to account for whatever crosses his mind, but he will be brought to account for what he says and does. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah will forgive my ummah for their mistakes, what they forget and what they are forced to do.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,  2033).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah also said in his book Amraad al-Quloob (diseases of the heart):  “Whoever finds in himself any hasad towards another has to try to neutralize it by means of taqwa (piety, consciousness of Allah) and sabr (patience). So he should hate that (the feeling of hasad) in himself… But the one who does wrong to his brother by word or deed will be punished for that. The one who fears Allah and is patient, however, is not included among the wrongdoers, and Allaah will benefit him by his taqwa.”

— End

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21 comments… add one
  • Sameena

    JazakAllah Khair. So reassuring to know that -‘A person will not be brought to account for whatever crosses his mind, but he will be brought to account for what he says and does.’
    Being human we will commit mistakes but the sensible one is he who realises it and gives up his negative feelings towards others, seeking Allah’s Help and being concerned only about attaining His Favor. May Allah Help all Muslims to discard negative feelings against each other – Aameen

    • Muslimah

      Yes,

      SubhaanaAllah, how Kareem (Generous) and Forgiving is Allah. HE Subhaana Wa Ta’ala is very generous and does not hasten to punish us. Ya Allah make us deserving of your blessings. Ameen ya Mujeeb.

    • Sitwat

      Ameen to ur dua Sameena…may Allah reward and bless you Ameen.

  • Assalamualaikum,
    Alhamdulillah I am a regular reader of your mails.
    Alhamdullilah I search my mind about the topic But I do not found myself “Ridding Oneself of Jealousy, Hatred, and Resentment”.
    I pray Allah for me to be with the same mind &?heart(spirit) all through my life.
    Alhamdullilah your most of the topics are very refreshing for my Imaan. I am always in search of colleague/literature “who make me recall Allah, Who can make me a man of Good character as described by Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h.

  • Sharaaz

    Good Article.

    May god bless us with good hearts and from the example of people in the story.

    Ameen.

  • aisha nazziwa

    Mashallah. Thank you for this timely reminder. It came at a time when i sincerely need it.. May Allah accept your work and grant you Jannat.

    • Sadiq Rasheed

      May Allah increase you in knowledge and make easy for us to practise In Shaa Allah.Jazakum llahu khairan

  • Mariam

    JazakAllah. May Allah increase you in knowledge, Ameen.

  • its a nice article for people to learn and explore more about islam and gain the true knowledge of islam

  • Dahiye

    Jazaka Allah for the knowledge and wisdom of Islam.
    This has really strengthened my iman

  • Hassan

    Jazza kallahu khairan. Like Aisha, it also really came at d right time for me. I love d contentment i feel now. May Allah SWT purify our hearts. Ameen

  • Jazakumu lah bi khairin, This is really not a food of thought alone but a reminder and a guide to salvation may Allah swt make us a party to His blessing Ameen.

  • Mariya

    Salam. May Allah subkhanahu wa ta’ala bless and reward you abundantly with His rizq in this dunya and Jannatul Firdaus yaumil Akhira ameen Ya Rabb for reminding the musllim ummah, the right path to adopt.

  • Ashraf Alaydeross

    Very true , cleaning our hearts of jealousy, hatred and ill feeling towards others . May Allah help in our feelings , and lead us in the straight path.

  • Badmus Gufrat

    May Allah increase you in knowledge and make easy for us to practise In Shaa Allah.Jazakum llahu khairan.

  • Muslimah

    SubhaanaAllah, how Kareem (Generous) and Forgiving is Allah. HE Subhaana Wa Ta’ala is very generous and does not hasten to punish us. Ya Allah make us deserving of your blessings. Ameen ya Mujeeb.

  • Assalamwalaikum

    Good to read this, we always feel jealous if a person has everything, but no one will see to that person who does not have anything (a poor man) seeing that person we need to thank to Allah what he has given to us.

    Thank you for this.

  • SYED ZIAUDDIN AHMED

    I pray Allah (swt) to bless us all the clear understanding of Quraan and accept the same with all the submissiveness enabling us to practise and propogate to all brothers and sisters in particular and the humanity at large, Ameen, Summa Ameen.

  • SHAMSA

    AsalamaLaikum respected Brothers and Sisters..Alhamdulilah …. how MUCH ALMIGHTY ALLAH loves us by granting people like your goodselves the wisdom of these constant but TRULY REWARDING REMINDERS!!
    In the confusion and hustle and bustle of the material world one hardly notices how quickly and smoothly shaitaan sets his dirty little tricks…but SubahanAllah, one e mail like this causes one to reflect immediately! Shukraan.. I particularly like the phrase “peaceful avoidance is better than harmful mixing” and so I will politely greet the person that does me wrong, and will avoid further contact as this may lead me to say words that will mark my character… May Almighty Allah give you strength to keep up the good work. Almighty Allah’s richest blessings. Wasalaam

  • AIN

    JAZAKA ALLAH

    fOR THE BEAUTIFUL ARTICLES. i HAVE BENEFITED FROM MANY OF YOUR ARTICLES

  • shanna

    Wonderful post. What about hasad towards disbelievers and those who have hurt a Muslim?

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